Kurt Warner = Vagina

This was written before Kurt Warner re-signed with the Cardinals. It's still worth noting because it helps document his vaginaness.

Further proof that Kurt Warner is a vagina. In what seemed like an attempt to force the Arizona Cardinal's hand, Warner paid a visit to divisional foe San Francisco. They watered (Jesus wouldn't approve of wine) and dined him. He spent time at the 49er complex. His wife, Brenda Susan Powers Warner, tagged along for the visit. One presumes so they could pray and ask Jesus which teams millions He would take.

It seems a perfectly normal business and football move. You don't like the offer so go test the market. Then Warner's vagina starts to emerge. The 49ers made an offer reportedly in the neighborhood of what Warner is asking ($14 million per year). Now instead of letting the Cardinals sweat he comes back and makes a counter offer to them. What??? A counter offer to a team you just left to visit another?

Come on Mr. Vagina, that's a new vagina low for you. Let them come to you. Make them up the offer. You may have to come down some if you want to stay in the desert but don't be the first to make a move. Don't go courting someone else and start lowballing yourself. That is against anything taught in Negotiations 101. But I'd expect nothing less from a vagina of Warner's magnitude.

Just remember Warner: What would Jesus do? He'd probably kick Warner in the nuts (that's assuming he has nuts and further assuming his wife isn't really the man in the family).

A Tale of Two Vaginas and Two Football Players

I wrote this before Kurt Warner reupped with the Arizona Cardinals. But it doesn't make him any less of a vagina. I'm also working on a Vagina Hall of Fame. Take a wild guess on who the two inaugural members are? I've added a third in the soon to be released feature.

The Vaginas and the Football Players

Is The Vagina aka Kurt Warner on the move? Maybe. He’s visiting with the San Francisco 49ers. I call bullshit. How would his little Christian ears react to the first time Mike Singletary yells and drops an F-bomb? Will his wife Susan Powers go on San Fran sports talk radio and bitch like she once did in St. Louis?

Will Warner ask himself,”What would Jesus do?”

Would Jesus, his gardener, reply,”Me no know, senor.”

I think Warner is just using the ‘niners as leverage. He reportedly wants $15-16 million but the Arizona Cardinals are offering around $10-11 million (according to Sports Center). More on the leverage angle from the San Francisco Chronicle.

Speaking of vaginas, it looks like Vince Young will ride the pine at least one more season now that Kerry Collins is back in the fold.

It makes me think about two vaginas and two football players going in different directions. It also relates to expectations of young quarterbacks coming into the NFL.

This year was the great success stories of Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco. The NFL being a copy cat league and fans in general being idiots, I see more young quarterbacks thrown to the wolves in hopes of success. Despite the success of Ryan and Flacco, teams still need to develop quarterbacks and bring them along at the right pace.

For every Ryan and Flacco there is a Joey Harrington, David Carr, Akili Smith, Vince Young, Matt Leinart, Alex Smith, Ryan Leaf and Tim Couch. There are more rookie quarterback flops than there are success stories. Yet some team might draft Mark Sanchez or Matt Stafford with delusions of grandeur.

Now back to the football players and vaginas. A few years ago Matt Leinart and Vince Young were at the top of the college football world. One is a football player and the other a vagina. Heisman candidate or winner, national titles and all the glitz and glamour afforded those that play for football factories USC and UT. Now both ride the pine of their respective teams and probably will do the same thing next season.

Then the career paths of the two wily old veterans: Kerry Collins and Kurt Warner. One is a football player and the other is a vagina. Both are on the downsides of their careers. Collins lead the Tennessee Titans to the best record in the NFL. Warner lead his team on an unlikely run to the Super Bowl.

Collins stated he wouldn’t return to the Titans unless he would be the starter. No problem. Young hasn’t show he has the chops to play the pro game. So the Titans went with a proven winner and veteran. At least for one more year, Young will get to see how he should approach the game and turn into a pro football player. Young might even learn how not to be a vagina.

In Arizona, Leinert’s career follows a similar path. He gets to watch an experienced quarterback and maybe learn a thing or two. On the other hand, he can watch Warner’s vagina behavior and learn how to remain a football player.

It’s to early to write off Young and Leinart. Both still have talent and still early in their football lives. With proper motivation and coaching both can still have a prosperous NFL lives. What remains to be seen is whether a vagina can turn into a football player and if a football player can refrain from turning into a vagina.