Honestly, is the NBA Finals really going on? If that snorefest of passing, dribbling, isolation, pass in then out for the three still going on?
Even my beloved Spurs can be heard to watch sometimes. That's bad coming from a diehard.
On the ice, the excitement and action have been much more entertaining that nba.
Not just because I'm a Pittsburgh Penguins fan doesn't skew my view of the leagues. Hockey is all out war for three 20 minute periods. Hits, checking, face offs, power plays, on the fly changes and non stop action. The opposite of the NBA.
The Real Finals
I don't know what the TV numbers are but I'm sure the NBA finals ratings were higher than Sir Lord Stanley's Cup Finals. I do know they were a better entertainment attraction.
Game seven will decide who takes home Sir Lord Stanley's Cup on Friday. Will the Detroit Red Wings keep the Cup one more year or will the upstart but strong Penguins return the favor and hoist the Cup at Joe Louis Arena.
It's been a hell of a Finals. As a Pens fan, it has sent me through the ringer. Games one and two were fun to watch but the results were painful.
I felt down about the next game considering it was a must win for the Pens to avoid going down 3-0. They stormed back to win three and four and leveling the series at two.
What happened next was a reality check. Pens goalie Marc-Andre Fleury gave up five goals in about half a game and was pulled. The score stood as a 5-0 final. Any momentum the Pens had built up slammed against a brick wall.
To say The Flower rebounded in game six is a vast understatement. While the Pens hacked away at Chris Osgood and were stone walled, Fleury held his own when he had to. The game finished 2-1 in favor of Pittsburgh.
Fleury was the hero and Rob Scuderi the savior. Scuderi stopped the puck at least three times on a furious finish in front of the Penguins net. Otherwise overtime and only the Hockey Gods know what would have ensued.
Game seven is Friday night....bring it on and Let's Go Pens!
Moral Victories
After the second period, my friend sent me a text saying the Red Wings have a moral victory in that they were only down 1-0 after being out shot so much. I replied that if anything Pittsburgh has a moral victory after being pound federal prison style 5-0 in game five.
Plus I told him that moral victories are for losers and vaginas who grasp a straws when they can't win. The only thing that matters is the scoreboard.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
NHL Conference Finals vs. NBAConference something or other
The NHL conference are underway. I missed the first game of the Chicago Blackhawks vs. Detroit Red Wings series. I caught game two tonight and last night's opener between my Pittsburgh Penguins and the Carolina Hurricanes.
I find hockey so much more exciting than the NBA playoffs. People who bitch and moan about low scoring have never actually watched a game or taken time to understand it. I got into a discussion at work about NBA vs. NHL. Everybody either groaned or walked away when I brought up how exciting the NHL conference finals were much more exciting than the dullards know as the NBA.
I'll take any NHL game, except for a Spurs game, over the NBA any day. During the regular season I had both NHL Center Ice and NBA League Pass. If the Pens and Spurs played on the same night, I watched the Pens until the game was over and then switched over to the Spurs game.
I can sit and watch any NHL game. I can't stand an NBA game if the Spurs aren't involved.
The other night me and some friends went to Hooters. It was game seven between the Hurricanes and Bruins along with game six for the Rockets and Lakers. I live in Houston. I left after I ate to watch the hockey game.
Those, like my coworkers, that sneer the second hockey is mentioned are just narrow minded. I think if they took the time to learn the game they would appreciate it. Instead the look at the score and scoff at watching a 3-2 game.
Ah well, their loss. I'll enjoy the Pens run and the Stanley Cup Finals even if they don't make it.
I find hockey so much more exciting than the NBA playoffs. People who bitch and moan about low scoring have never actually watched a game or taken time to understand it. I got into a discussion at work about NBA vs. NHL. Everybody either groaned or walked away when I brought up how exciting the NHL conference finals were much more exciting than the dullards know as the NBA.
I'll take any NHL game, except for a Spurs game, over the NBA any day. During the regular season I had both NHL Center Ice and NBA League Pass. If the Pens and Spurs played on the same night, I watched the Pens until the game was over and then switched over to the Spurs game.
I can sit and watch any NHL game. I can't stand an NBA game if the Spurs aren't involved.
The other night me and some friends went to Hooters. It was game seven between the Hurricanes and Bruins along with game six for the Rockets and Lakers. I live in Houston. I left after I ate to watch the hockey game.
Those, like my coworkers, that sneer the second hockey is mentioned are just narrow minded. I think if they took the time to learn the game they would appreciate it. Instead the look at the score and scoff at watching a 3-2 game.
Ah well, their loss. I'll enjoy the Pens run and the Stanley Cup Finals even if they don't make it.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Pens Win! Pens Win! Pens Win! Poor Caps!
What a series the Pittsburgh Penguins and Washington Capitals played! As a Pens fan, it put me through the ringer of emotions.
First despair. The Penguins behind 2-0 in the series.
Then relief The Penguins tied the series up at 2.
Then elation. The Penguins took the series lead 3-2 in a thrilling overtime win.
The a sinking feeling. The Pens couldn't close out the Caps on home ice.
Then anticipation. Game seven on the road against the Caps who took back the series momentum in game six.
Then joy. Up 2 goals, 4 goals and then more. The blowout was on. The Pens clinched the series and now await the winner of game seven between the Boston Bruins and the Carolina Hurricanes.
For now, I'll enjoy the moment. Next series the emotional roller coaster starts again.
First despair. The Penguins behind 2-0 in the series.
Then relief The Penguins tied the series up at 2.
Then elation. The Penguins took the series lead 3-2 in a thrilling overtime win.
The a sinking feeling. The Pens couldn't close out the Caps on home ice.
Then anticipation. Game seven on the road against the Caps who took back the series momentum in game six.
Then joy. Up 2 goals, 4 goals and then more. The blowout was on. The Pens clinched the series and now await the winner of game seven between the Boston Bruins and the Carolina Hurricanes.
For now, I'll enjoy the moment. Next series the emotional roller coaster starts again.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
The Religion of Football - A Primer
The Religion of Football
A Primer
Saturday April 19th was the opening two rounds of the NFL Draft. I’ve always treated football, especially the NFL, as my religion. It’s actually quiet convenient. Instead of every Sunday for church, we meet at a huge Cathedral (there are only 32) and worship only ten times a year. The first two don’t count. The other eight are like Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter rolled into one Sunday. Worshippers come from all walks of life to celebrate and cheer the gladiators on the field.A Primer
Reliant CathedralLike many religions, there are various factions, sects and experts on the subjects. Even within the 32 churches there are factions. But one thing rules above all else: support (or lack of) for one of the 32 teams.
Like the Roman Catholic-Protestant split or the Sunni Islam-Shia Islam split, so is the Religion of Football split. Unlike those other religious splits, the football splits are less violent and worshippers may partake of multiple rites in the various denominations. Fans (as worshippers are commonly referred to) my even have loyalties beyond one team. Though worshipping more than one team is frowned upon in some areas, the practice is not uncommon.
The various levels of football are the professional, college, high school down to Pee-Wee for little kids. Professionals are the highest level of play. But even in the various levels there is a hierarchy. Only one team is crowned champion on Super Bowl Sunday. College is split among regional conferences and BCS and non-BCS schools. Even high schools are arranged by division due to the disparities in student populations.
Depending on location, winning programs and competition from other football teams, support for teams varies. In some states, college football rules supreme due to a major college or two and no professional teams in the team. Alabama, Nebraska and Oklahoma are three states that are dominated by the college game. Some states, like Texas, Florida and California, have dominant programs on both levels and loyalties of the fans crosses over levels. It’s not uncommon for a Houston Texans fan also be a worshipper of the Texas Longhorns.
Rivalries play an important part of football too. Watching a rival lose brings as much joy as watching one’s team win. Beating a rival or dominating a rivalry is the second best outcome of a season to winning a championship. Sometimes fans enjoy the success of a rival only so they can take greater joy in watching that team fall short of winning a title.
The Holy Holidays
Like all religions, football to has its holy holidays. The rank of the holy days is usually a personal preference but specific days are recognized as very important no matter the ranking.
The holiest holiday in the NFL varies from follower to follower. Some view Opening Day as the holiest day. It can vary from team to team due to the schedule: Opening Thursday, Opening Sunday and Opening Monday Night Football. In general, two games are celebrated on Opening Thursday and one on Opening Monday Night Football with the remainder on Opening Sunday. Others view the First Home Game as the holiest day as it gives the home fans their first look at the team since the previous season. Obviously for some teams, Opening Day and First Home Game Day coincide.
Others will counter that Super Bowl Sunday is the holiest day of the NFL. They claim since it is the coronation of a Champion to the season it must be the holiest day. Others counter that it is the holiest day only for the two teams competing in the game. Regardless all fans agree that it is a must see event. If nothing else most watch to witness the crowning of the Champion and put a target on the team to knock off for next season.
Many consider Draft Day One to be the second holiest holiday. For many fans it gives hope that new players will help elevate their team to the Playoffs and possibly the Super Bowl.
Like Passover for Jews, Ramadan for Muslims or Holy Week for Christians, the NFL too celebrates its religion over an extended time. The Playoffs is an extended celebration of NFL in which only the Division Champions and Wild Card teams compete for the right to play in the Super Bowl.
To be continued.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
My Texans Draft Wish List
My Texans Wish List
As I’ve stated before, I think mock drafts are a waste of time and space. Why people try is beyond me.
Instead I like to read scouting reports and player rankings. My main source is Pro Football Weekly’s website and subscription. I also try to get different opinions for various sources.
Instead of trying to project who is going where and who will be available as the Houston Texans pick 15th, I’d like to create a wish list based on team needs.
Team Needs
The defense is the unit that needs the most shoring up. The Texans added DE Antonio Smith, DT Shaun Cody and LB Cato Jones in free agency. Smith will start right away. If Cody makes the team he will be part of the DT rotation. Jones will compete for the starting job on the weak side with Xavier Adibi.
Of the free agents, I think only Smith will make immediate contributions. I have my doubts of Cody making the team.
The Texans need another playmaker or two on defense. This draft class seems to be deep at the outside linebacker position. A safety for either depth or as a starter also appears to be a need.
On offense, the Texans would like to pick up running back in the middle rounds to relieve Steve Slaton. Ideally they would like a back equipped to fit in the zone blocking scheme of offensive line coach Alex Gibbs.
They will probably look to add to the offensive line for depth. The starters went all sixteen games as a unit. Rookie Duane Brown rotated with veteran Ephiram Salaam at the left tackle spot. Salaam has since been released.
My Wish List for Defense
The Texans have invested three first round picks on the defensive line. Travis Johnson, Mario Williams and Amobi Okeye are all starters and first rounders. Only Williams has lived up to expectations. Would the Texans invest one more pick on the line? Maybe. Signing Antonio Smith changed the dynamics of the draft to some degree. They might like to pick up a pass rush specialist in the draft as they plan to move Smith to tackle on passing downs.
With the Texans set at ends, if they invest a first round pick on the line it will more than likely be at defensive tackle.
First on my wish list for DT is B.J. Raji. I doubt that he will be around at 15. Raji is described as very strong and well fitted for the 3-4 nose or an anchor for a 4-3. He has the ability to hold up blockers to free up teammates. One PFW report says he will more than likely be a two down player in the NFL. I’m not sure how the scout can say that and yet he grades out as a first round talent. I think he will be an every down player. While I think he would be great for the Texans, I doubt he’s available when they pick.
If he’s sitting there when at the second round, I can see the Texans taking Peria Jerry. He grades out as first round talent but is projected in the 1st or 2nd round. He is explosive off the line and can move side to side quickly. He can also shed blockers and is a good at tackling at point of attack and outside the tackle area. The knocks on him are his strength and lack of ability to drive blockers into the backfield. Also he will be a 25 year old rookie. I think he could be a decent run stopper for the Texans up the middle.
I think another player draft worthy at the second round is Robert Ayers. He probably doesn’t make it that far though. He can play left end or 3-4 linebacker. He could be the pass rush specialist the Texans are looking for. With Smith in the middle, Ayers can line up at end on passing downs.
Michael Johnson of Georgia Tech is rated as a one dimensional player. He seems to only like playing the pass and not the run. He grades as a 2nd or 3rd round talent but is projected going in 1st or 2nd by PFW. If the Texans haven’t picked up that pass rush specialist and he’s still there in 3rd round or later, I can see them considering Johnson.
Adam Curry is probably the best player in the draft. He won’t be there. A fan can dream though.
More realistically, Brian Cushing or Clay Matthews fit the bill of what the Texans need on the strong side. My guess is that the Texans take Matthews with the first pick if he’s available. I’d be happy with either one starting on the strong side.
Depend on who you read, there are no safeties worth a first round pick. PFW ranks Louis Delmas as the highest safety. He grades out as a 2nd or 3rd round talent but projects as a 2nd rounder. For once I agree with a mock draft as they have the Texans taking him in the second. He’s a fierce hitter and tackler who launches himself at a player. His knocks are he can be to aggressive and fall for the play-action. Also because of the way he throws himself around there is some question about his durability. If he’s there in the second, I hope the Texans pick him up.
I don’t like what I’ve read about Patrick Chung. I hope the Texans don’t either.
Next safety on my wish list is Rashad Johnson. He looks to go in the 2nd or 3rd round. Depending on whom they’ve drafted, if they still need a safety and he’s there in the 3rd, Johnson looks like he may be a value pick and a starter for the Texans. Only knocks on him is that he isn’t an explosive hitter and he plays at 185 lbs. He is a ball hawk and has range to play free safety. I’d definitely like him in the middle rounds.
On the Other Side of the Ball
There is not much need offensively. The only glaring need is a back up running back for Steve Slaton. The Texans are confident they can find one in the middle to late rounds.
Despite the mock drafts that have the Texans taking Beanie Wells or Keyshawn Moreno, I think the only intriguing early draft running back for the Texans is Donald Brown. Apparently he has all the tools to run against the grain and misdirection to fit the Texans zone blocking. PFW has him ranked 3rd behind Wells and Moreno. I doubt he falls to the Texans in the 2nd round but if he’s there I think he’s worth the pick.
The only 1st round offensive player I’d consider is Michael Crabtree. There is the chance he could fall to the Texans. With the need at linebacker and defense it’s unlikely they take him. However, it’s worth considering due to his skills and teaming him with All-Universe WR Andre Johnson. Imagine the headache that would create for defenses.
Other than that, I really don’t have much of a wish list for offense. Offensive line depth is a need and will probably be addressed in later rounds.
Who Not To Consider
I’ve seen mock drafts all over the place for the Texans. They have the Texans selecting Vontae Davis, Clay Matthews, Percy Harvin, Jeremy Maclin, Keyshawn Moreno, Mark Sanchez and Beanie Wells.
Only the Matthews picks are creditable. The others have no clue or don’t put much thought into their drafts.
Take those selecting Vontae Davis, for example. I can give you three reasons why they won’t select Davis: Jacques Reeves, Fred Bennett and Dunta Robinson. The Texans think they have three quality corners. If they believe that then I don’t see them selecting a 1st round corner and having to pay him fulltime money for part time play. There is no way Reeves and Robinson come off the field for Davis to start. The second reason is Davis’s alleged prima donna status. There are concerns his attitude and appetite for football isn’t all that high. His brother Vernon Davis had the same concerns. Then Mike Singletary put his foot up Davis’s ass. He has since straightened out. Texans head coach Gary Kubiak can be fierce but it’s not his style to consistently do it to put a player like Vontae Davis on the straight and narrow.
As for running back, the same line of reasoning follows as far as pay. Steve Slaton earned the starting job last year and he’ll remain the starter this season. Why would they select Moreno or Wells, pay them 1st round money and only be part time and back up Slaton.
Of course, a trade could happen. The Texans aren’t averse to trading 1st round picks in order accomplish what they want. They traded down last year to acquire Duane Brown. They swapped picks with Atlanta in the Matt Schaub trade. So a draft day deal isn’t out of the realm of possibilities.
That’s my Texans Draft Day wish list. It’s about as close to a mock draft as I’ll get. Unlike mock drafts, I try to look at the various angles like salary implications and depth chart. Also I try to consider the players (Crabtree, Raji) that could throw their board off and they decide to change for whatever reason. Also I see no point in going past 3rd round selections. As the draft moves on, anything can happen and every teams needs changes drastically.
I’m sure draftniks have as much fun putting their mocks together as I had putting my wish list together. I just think it makes more sense to look at the team needs and try to create a draft board instead.
As I’ve stated before, I think mock drafts are a waste of time and space. Why people try is beyond me.
Instead I like to read scouting reports and player rankings. My main source is Pro Football Weekly’s website and subscription. I also try to get different opinions for various sources.
Instead of trying to project who is going where and who will be available as the Houston Texans pick 15th, I’d like to create a wish list based on team needs.
Team Needs
The defense is the unit that needs the most shoring up. The Texans added DE Antonio Smith, DT Shaun Cody and LB Cato Jones in free agency. Smith will start right away. If Cody makes the team he will be part of the DT rotation. Jones will compete for the starting job on the weak side with Xavier Adibi.
Of the free agents, I think only Smith will make immediate contributions. I have my doubts of Cody making the team.
The Texans need another playmaker or two on defense. This draft class seems to be deep at the outside linebacker position. A safety for either depth or as a starter also appears to be a need.
On offense, the Texans would like to pick up running back in the middle rounds to relieve Steve Slaton. Ideally they would like a back equipped to fit in the zone blocking scheme of offensive line coach Alex Gibbs.
They will probably look to add to the offensive line for depth. The starters went all sixteen games as a unit. Rookie Duane Brown rotated with veteran Ephiram Salaam at the left tackle spot. Salaam has since been released.
My Wish List for Defense
The Texans have invested three first round picks on the defensive line. Travis Johnson, Mario Williams and Amobi Okeye are all starters and first rounders. Only Williams has lived up to expectations. Would the Texans invest one more pick on the line? Maybe. Signing Antonio Smith changed the dynamics of the draft to some degree. They might like to pick up a pass rush specialist in the draft as they plan to move Smith to tackle on passing downs.
With the Texans set at ends, if they invest a first round pick on the line it will more than likely be at defensive tackle.
First on my wish list for DT is B.J. Raji. I doubt that he will be around at 15. Raji is described as very strong and well fitted for the 3-4 nose or an anchor for a 4-3. He has the ability to hold up blockers to free up teammates. One PFW report says he will more than likely be a two down player in the NFL. I’m not sure how the scout can say that and yet he grades out as a first round talent. I think he will be an every down player. While I think he would be great for the Texans, I doubt he’s available when they pick.
If he’s sitting there when at the second round, I can see the Texans taking Peria Jerry. He grades out as first round talent but is projected in the 1st or 2nd round. He is explosive off the line and can move side to side quickly. He can also shed blockers and is a good at tackling at point of attack and outside the tackle area. The knocks on him are his strength and lack of ability to drive blockers into the backfield. Also he will be a 25 year old rookie. I think he could be a decent run stopper for the Texans up the middle.
I think another player draft worthy at the second round is Robert Ayers. He probably doesn’t make it that far though. He can play left end or 3-4 linebacker. He could be the pass rush specialist the Texans are looking for. With Smith in the middle, Ayers can line up at end on passing downs.
Michael Johnson of Georgia Tech is rated as a one dimensional player. He seems to only like playing the pass and not the run. He grades as a 2nd or 3rd round talent but is projected going in 1st or 2nd by PFW. If the Texans haven’t picked up that pass rush specialist and he’s still there in 3rd round or later, I can see them considering Johnson.
Adam Curry is probably the best player in the draft. He won’t be there. A fan can dream though.
More realistically, Brian Cushing or Clay Matthews fit the bill of what the Texans need on the strong side. My guess is that the Texans take Matthews with the first pick if he’s available. I’d be happy with either one starting on the strong side.
Depend on who you read, there are no safeties worth a first round pick. PFW ranks Louis Delmas as the highest safety. He grades out as a 2nd or 3rd round talent but projects as a 2nd rounder. For once I agree with a mock draft as they have the Texans taking him in the second. He’s a fierce hitter and tackler who launches himself at a player. His knocks are he can be to aggressive and fall for the play-action. Also because of the way he throws himself around there is some question about his durability. If he’s there in the second, I hope the Texans pick him up.
I don’t like what I’ve read about Patrick Chung. I hope the Texans don’t either.
Next safety on my wish list is Rashad Johnson. He looks to go in the 2nd or 3rd round. Depending on whom they’ve drafted, if they still need a safety and he’s there in the 3rd, Johnson looks like he may be a value pick and a starter for the Texans. Only knocks on him is that he isn’t an explosive hitter and he plays at 185 lbs. He is a ball hawk and has range to play free safety. I’d definitely like him in the middle rounds.
On the Other Side of the Ball
There is not much need offensively. The only glaring need is a back up running back for Steve Slaton. The Texans are confident they can find one in the middle to late rounds.
Despite the mock drafts that have the Texans taking Beanie Wells or Keyshawn Moreno, I think the only intriguing early draft running back for the Texans is Donald Brown. Apparently he has all the tools to run against the grain and misdirection to fit the Texans zone blocking. PFW has him ranked 3rd behind Wells and Moreno. I doubt he falls to the Texans in the 2nd round but if he’s there I think he’s worth the pick.
The only 1st round offensive player I’d consider is Michael Crabtree. There is the chance he could fall to the Texans. With the need at linebacker and defense it’s unlikely they take him. However, it’s worth considering due to his skills and teaming him with All-Universe WR Andre Johnson. Imagine the headache that would create for defenses.
Other than that, I really don’t have much of a wish list for offense. Offensive line depth is a need and will probably be addressed in later rounds.
Who Not To Consider
I’ve seen mock drafts all over the place for the Texans. They have the Texans selecting Vontae Davis, Clay Matthews, Percy Harvin, Jeremy Maclin, Keyshawn Moreno, Mark Sanchez and Beanie Wells.
Only the Matthews picks are creditable. The others have no clue or don’t put much thought into their drafts.
Take those selecting Vontae Davis, for example. I can give you three reasons why they won’t select Davis: Jacques Reeves, Fred Bennett and Dunta Robinson. The Texans think they have three quality corners. If they believe that then I don’t see them selecting a 1st round corner and having to pay him fulltime money for part time play. There is no way Reeves and Robinson come off the field for Davis to start. The second reason is Davis’s alleged prima donna status. There are concerns his attitude and appetite for football isn’t all that high. His brother Vernon Davis had the same concerns. Then Mike Singletary put his foot up Davis’s ass. He has since straightened out. Texans head coach Gary Kubiak can be fierce but it’s not his style to consistently do it to put a player like Vontae Davis on the straight and narrow.
As for running back, the same line of reasoning follows as far as pay. Steve Slaton earned the starting job last year and he’ll remain the starter this season. Why would they select Moreno or Wells, pay them 1st round money and only be part time and back up Slaton.
Of course, a trade could happen. The Texans aren’t averse to trading 1st round picks in order accomplish what they want. They traded down last year to acquire Duane Brown. They swapped picks with Atlanta in the Matt Schaub trade. So a draft day deal isn’t out of the realm of possibilities.
That’s my Texans Draft Day wish list. It’s about as close to a mock draft as I’ll get. Unlike mock drafts, I try to look at the various angles like salary implications and depth chart. Also I try to consider the players (Crabtree, Raji) that could throw their board off and they decide to change for whatever reason. Also I see no point in going past 3rd round selections. As the draft moves on, anything can happen and every teams needs changes drastically.
I’m sure draftniks have as much fun putting their mocks together as I had putting my wish list together. I just think it makes more sense to look at the team needs and try to create a draft board instead.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Kurt Warner = Vagina
This was written before Kurt Warner re-signed with the Cardinals. It's still worth noting because it helps document his vaginaness.
Further proof that Kurt Warner is a vagina. In what seemed like an attempt to force the Arizona Cardinal's hand, Warner paid a visit to divisional foe San Francisco. They watered (Jesus wouldn't approve of wine) and dined him. He spent time at the 49er complex. His wife, Brenda Susan Powers Warner, tagged along for the visit. One presumes so they could pray and ask Jesus which teams millions He would take.
It seems a perfectly normal business and football move. You don't like the offer so go test the market. Then Warner's vagina starts to emerge. The 49ers made an offer reportedly in the neighborhood of what Warner is asking ($14 million per year). Now instead of letting the Cardinals sweat he comes back and makes a counter offer to them. What??? A counter offer to a team you just left to visit another?
Come on Mr. Vagina, that's a new vagina low for you. Let them come to you. Make them up the offer. You may have to come down some if you want to stay in the desert but don't be the first to make a move. Don't go courting someone else and start lowballing yourself. That is against anything taught in Negotiations 101. But I'd expect nothing less from a vagina of Warner's magnitude.
Just remember Warner: What would Jesus do? He'd probably kick Warner in the nuts (that's assuming he has nuts and further assuming his wife isn't really the man in the family).
Further proof that Kurt Warner is a vagina. In what seemed like an attempt to force the Arizona Cardinal's hand, Warner paid a visit to divisional foe San Francisco. They watered (Jesus wouldn't approve of wine) and dined him. He spent time at the 49er complex. His wife, Brenda Susan Powers Warner, tagged along for the visit. One presumes so they could pray and ask Jesus which teams millions He would take.
It seems a perfectly normal business and football move. You don't like the offer so go test the market. Then Warner's vagina starts to emerge. The 49ers made an offer reportedly in the neighborhood of what Warner is asking ($14 million per year). Now instead of letting the Cardinals sweat he comes back and makes a counter offer to them. What??? A counter offer to a team you just left to visit another?
Come on Mr. Vagina, that's a new vagina low for you. Let them come to you. Make them up the offer. You may have to come down some if you want to stay in the desert but don't be the first to make a move. Don't go courting someone else and start lowballing yourself. That is against anything taught in Negotiations 101. But I'd expect nothing less from a vagina of Warner's magnitude.
Just remember Warner: What would Jesus do? He'd probably kick Warner in the nuts (that's assuming he has nuts and further assuming his wife isn't really the man in the family).
Thursday, March 5, 2009
A Tale of Two Vaginas and Two Football Players
I wrote this before Kurt Warner reupped with the Arizona Cardinals. But it doesn't make him any less of a vagina. I'm also working on a Vagina Hall of Fame. Take a wild guess on who the two inaugural members are? I've added a third in the soon to be released feature.
The Vaginas and the Football Players
Is The Vagina aka Kurt Warner on the move? Maybe. He’s visiting with the San Francisco 49ers. I call bullshit. How would his little Christian ears react to the first time Mike Singletary yells and drops an F-bomb? Will his wife Susan Powers go on San Fran sports talk radio and bitch like she once did in St. Louis?
Will Warner ask himself,”What would Jesus do?”
Would Jesus, his gardener, reply,”Me no know, senor.”
I think Warner is just using the ‘niners as leverage. He reportedly wants $15-16 million but the Arizona Cardinals are offering around $10-11 million (according to Sports Center). More on the leverage angle from the San Francisco Chronicle.
Speaking of vaginas, it looks like Vince Young will ride the pine at least one more season now that Kerry Collins is back in the fold.
It makes me think about two vaginas and two football players going in different directions. It also relates to expectations of young quarterbacks coming into the NFL.
This year was the great success stories of Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco. The NFL being a copy cat league and fans in general being idiots, I see more young quarterbacks thrown to the wolves in hopes of success. Despite the success of Ryan and Flacco, teams still need to develop quarterbacks and bring them along at the right pace.
For every Ryan and Flacco there is a Joey Harrington, David Carr, Akili Smith, Vince Young, Matt Leinart, Alex Smith, Ryan Leaf and Tim Couch. There are more rookie quarterback flops than there are success stories. Yet some team might draft Mark Sanchez or Matt Stafford with delusions of grandeur.
Now back to the football players and vaginas. A few years ago Matt Leinart and Vince Young were at the top of the college football world. One is a football player and the other a vagina. Heisman candidate or winner, national titles and all the glitz and glamour afforded those that play for football factories USC and UT. Now both ride the pine of their respective teams and probably will do the same thing next season.
Then the career paths of the two wily old veterans: Kerry Collins and Kurt Warner. One is a football player and the other is a vagina. Both are on the downsides of their careers. Collins lead the Tennessee Titans to the best record in the NFL. Warner lead his team on an unlikely run to the Super Bowl.
Collins stated he wouldn’t return to the Titans unless he would be the starter. No problem. Young hasn’t show he has the chops to play the pro game. So the Titans went with a proven winner and veteran. At least for one more year, Young will get to see how he should approach the game and turn into a pro football player. Young might even learn how not to be a vagina.
In Arizona, Leinert’s career follows a similar path. He gets to watch an experienced quarterback and maybe learn a thing or two. On the other hand, he can watch Warner’s vagina behavior and learn how to remain a football player.
It’s to early to write off Young and Leinart. Both still have talent and still early in their football lives. With proper motivation and coaching both can still have a prosperous NFL lives. What remains to be seen is whether a vagina can turn into a football player and if a football player can refrain from turning into a vagina.
The Vaginas and the Football Players
Is The Vagina aka Kurt Warner on the move? Maybe. He’s visiting with the San Francisco 49ers. I call bullshit. How would his little Christian ears react to the first time Mike Singletary yells and drops an F-bomb? Will his wife Susan Powers go on San Fran sports talk radio and bitch like she once did in St. Louis?
Will Warner ask himself,”What would Jesus do?”
Would Jesus, his gardener, reply,”Me no know, senor.”
I think Warner is just using the ‘niners as leverage. He reportedly wants $15-16 million but the Arizona Cardinals are offering around $10-11 million (according to Sports Center). More on the leverage angle from the San Francisco Chronicle.
Speaking of vaginas, it looks like Vince Young will ride the pine at least one more season now that Kerry Collins is back in the fold.
It makes me think about two vaginas and two football players going in different directions. It also relates to expectations of young quarterbacks coming into the NFL.
This year was the great success stories of Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco. The NFL being a copy cat league and fans in general being idiots, I see more young quarterbacks thrown to the wolves in hopes of success. Despite the success of Ryan and Flacco, teams still need to develop quarterbacks and bring them along at the right pace.
For every Ryan and Flacco there is a Joey Harrington, David Carr, Akili Smith, Vince Young, Matt Leinart, Alex Smith, Ryan Leaf and Tim Couch. There are more rookie quarterback flops than there are success stories. Yet some team might draft Mark Sanchez or Matt Stafford with delusions of grandeur.
Now back to the football players and vaginas. A few years ago Matt Leinart and Vince Young were at the top of the college football world. One is a football player and the other a vagina. Heisman candidate or winner, national titles and all the glitz and glamour afforded those that play for football factories USC and UT. Now both ride the pine of their respective teams and probably will do the same thing next season.
Then the career paths of the two wily old veterans: Kerry Collins and Kurt Warner. One is a football player and the other is a vagina. Both are on the downsides of their careers. Collins lead the Tennessee Titans to the best record in the NFL. Warner lead his team on an unlikely run to the Super Bowl.
Collins stated he wouldn’t return to the Titans unless he would be the starter. No problem. Young hasn’t show he has the chops to play the pro game. So the Titans went with a proven winner and veteran. At least for one more year, Young will get to see how he should approach the game and turn into a pro football player. Young might even learn how not to be a vagina.
In Arizona, Leinert’s career follows a similar path. He gets to watch an experienced quarterback and maybe learn a thing or two. On the other hand, he can watch Warner’s vagina behavior and learn how to remain a football player.
It’s to early to write off Young and Leinart. Both still have talent and still early in their football lives. With proper motivation and coaching both can still have a prosperous NFL lives. What remains to be seen is whether a vagina can turn into a football player and if a football player can refrain from turning into a vagina.
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