New feature this week. I'm calling it the Vince Young Man-vagina Player of the Week not to be confused with the Joe Pisarcik/Carson Palmer Player of the Week. This week's winner in none other than the Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. His man-vagina was hurting after losing to the Indianapolis Colts. Rumor has it that Big Ben told Peyton Manning that he had a bigger schlong. Much to Big Ben's dismay, Manning whipped it out and proved Big Ben wrong. No, not really. Big Ben was crying in the locker room after the game, allegedly. According to SI.com:
'You'll never hear me say 'I' anything, but I lost this game,'' said Roethlisberger, who appeared to be crying into a towel when reporters entered the locker room. ''I take it on myself. I let the guys down on offense and defense. It hurts, but we'll learn from it.''
For showing that his mangina hurt, Roethlisberger joins Vince Young in the formation of the very exclusive Society of Effeminate NFL Quarterbacks Club. Dick Vermeil has petitioned to join as an honorary member. Nancy Kerrigan has been invited to speak at the next meeting. The topic: How to Cry on National TV and Gain Sympathy.
Al Davis is showing once again that he is more than a few sandwiches short of a picnic basket. Angry Al wanted players cut since evidently he was done firing coaches for now. DeAngelo Hall fell victim to Palpatine's aggression. According to Pro Football Weekly, instead of the cut sending a message to the players to shape up or ship out, the players are demoralized and feel like management has already given up on the season.
The circus in Dallas continues. Now receiver Roy Williams is starting to bitch and moan that the Cowboys aren't getting him the ball. Come on, Roy! At least wait until Mr. Jessica Simpson gets back to start the crying. You've had old man Brad Johnson at quarterback. He can't get the ball past the offensive line. Maybe this is proving my theory wrong that you can't have to many Roy Williams on your team.
Now for players of the week.
First is the Joe Pisarcik/Carson Palmer Player of the Week. Every week I see what JaMarcus Russell's line looks like but he's injured this week. My next candidate was the Texan's quarterback Sage Rosenpenis. Then I saw Jake Delhomme's line. An incredible 7 for 27 passing with one TD and FOUR INTs. Goes to show how bad the Raiders are though. Delhomme lead the Panthers to victory over the Raiders despite his crappy output.
Player of the Week: Denver Broncos WR Eddie Royal. He went off for 164 yards on six receptions for a sick average of 27.3 yards including his 93 yard TD reception. Factoring out the 93 yarder he still averaged 14.2 yards per catch.
And now for the Texans. What an inept club they are. I was pretty pissed off after that game against the Ravens. Sage Seinfeld channeled his inner David Carr and was just pathetic. He threw for a career high 294 yards and a beautiful four interceptions. Two right into the waiting arms of Ray Lewis.
The first INT went into the lap of a defensive lineman. Owen Daniels was wide open at the back of the endzone and Rosenbomb just needed to lob the ball. Instead he throws a dart right to a defensive lineman. That was just a sign of things to come. Next I looked up to see if Ray Lewis looks anything like Andre Johnson. Despite the the two looking nothing alike, especially given the bright purple uniforms of the Ravens, Rosiepalms thought so and gave two passes to Lewis.
Once again, despite Seinfeld bringing his comedy act to the Texans QB spot, I have to put the loss smack dab on head coach Gary Kubiak. Rossenbomb has already shown that he has the David Schaub/Matt Carr turnover bug. His helicopter imitation at the end of the Colts game along with his turnovers in the Vikings game should have put the warning lights off in Kubiak's thick skull. Ball on the one yard line and he calls a pass. Rosencopter throws the INT.
I know the Ravens have the second toughest run defense but you still have to challenge them. The Texans have a reputation of being some what of a wimpy, soft team. It's why players like Jared Allen take cheap shots at Schaub. They know no retaliation is coming. WIth the ball on the one yard line, the Texans need at least attempt once or twice to show the Ravens some toughness and try and blow them off the line and score. Man up and show some gut and balls.
I'll gripe more about the defense some other time. Suffice it to say it's composed of Mario Williams, DeMeco Ryans and nine other guys. Zack Diles was doing fine until he broke his leg on a NON-contact special teams drill. What phuking genius has a starting linebacker doing special team drills?
NFL Week 10 vs. the Spread results
This is my best week. EVAR. An incredible 10-1. The only blemish was the Dolphins not scoring enough to beat the spread (+8) against the Seahawks. Everything else broke my way. The Packers lost to the Vikings but they covered so I escaped that one with a with a win. Two notes to this week's results. First, I didn't get my picks in time to make a selection on the Browns-Broncos game. Second, I made no pick in the Steelers-Colts game. There was no line in the majority of the books. My policy is to use the line in the majority books are posting on FoxSports.com NFL odds.
NFL Week 11 vs. the Spread
Finally, I get started in time to pick a Thursday night game. All my picks are in bold.
Jets(+3.5) @ Patriots - This one is real tough. I'm going with the line and the Pats.
Broncos(-6.5) @Falcons - The Denver defense has been horrendous all season long. Matt Ryan and Michael Turner have been fueling the Falcons renaissance.
Raiders(+10.5) @Dolphins - I think the wheels are coming off the Oakland franchise. The Dolphins really aren't that potent though. I think the Raider players just don't care anymore. Dolphins
Ravens(+7) @Giants - I think the Giants win by more than seven given to the Ravens. Not that I don't think the Ravens are that bad. I think the Giants are that good.
Texans(+8) @Colts - I think the Texans are on the verge of mailing it in. Colts
Titans(-3) @ Jaguars - Only a -3 for the Titans? Haven't the bookmakers been watching this season? Didn't they notice Jake Delhomme's game last week? The Titan defense will be to much for the Jags. Titans
Bears @Packers - no line as of today. It opened at -4 Packers but Kyle Orton seems to have thrown a monkey wrench. The majority of books have no line and per Monkee Cage policy there is no selection.
Eagles(-9) @Bengals - The Bungles are back. Eagles
Saints(-5.5) @ Chiefs - I hate the Saints. I'm willing to take a hit on the record if it means the Saints lose. Saints
Lions(+14) @Panthers - Quarterback problems for an already rudderless team. Panthers
Vikings(+4) @Buccaneers - Snoozer of the week. Buccaneers
Rams(+6.5) @49ers - I take back calling the Vikes-Bucs game a snoozer. This is Snoozer of the Week. Who really cares? I still gotta make a pic. Uh 49ers
Cardinals(-3) @Seahawks - Cards have too much firepower for the 'hawks. Cardinals
Chargers(-5.5) @Steelers - Eh, that line is about right. Steelers
Cowboys(-1.5) @Redskins - Getting dangerously close to December when it almost becomes mandatory to pick against the Cowboys. I start early. Redskins
Browns(+5) @Bills - It's dangerous to pick against the Browns. Bills are in a free fall. Browns
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