James Dickey, Peter King's Worthlessness

Houston Cougars Hire James Dickey
I'm a Houston Cougar. I'm an alumni and fan. I go to as many football games as my work schedule allows. I went to 2 of the last 3 bowl games (one was local). In summary I love my Cougars.

I wanted Tom Penders gone. His act got old. My personal belief is he was cashing one last paycheck before retirement. As long as the University allowed him, he would go through the motions of coaching and recruiting.

The vast majority of Houston fans, despite the late C-USA surge and NCAA Tournament appearance, wanted a change at the helm of Cougar basketball.

Be careful of what you wish for. Cougar fans got the change we wanted. Unfortunately the hiring of former Texas Tech coach James Dickey isn't what most wanted.

Most wanted a splashy headline grabbing coach like Billy Gillespie. I wanted Gillespie too. It didn't happen. Dickey is it.

Now I ask Cougar fans to step away from the ledge and live with the decision. Quit threatening to boycott games and renewing season tickets. First of all, there isn't enough of you to make a difference. Second, while I don't blindly follow the program, give it a chance. The decision was made by AD Mack Rhoades. For better or worse, we have to live with it.

We Cougars can be an insecure group. Many fans use that behemoth in Austin and that ass backward school in Collie Station as benchmarks. Screw them. We don't have the resources those places have. We don't have the fan support they have. UH has screwed the pooch in so many ways it's not even funny.

Instead we must build up the current programs, sustain that growth and position ourselves for future success. Art Briles resuscitated a football program on life support. Kevin Sumlin reaped the benefits and propelled the Cougars to wins over three BCS schools and attained a national ranking. Cougar football is building up and it doesn't appear the school is aiming for quick hitting solutions but sustained success and strength.

Basketball must follow a similar path. Penders did a decent job with basketball. He did nothing great and really didn't appear to put any effort into it. Dickey must now take the program the next step. A C-USA surge and an NCAA tournament are something to build on.

For my part, I'm willing to give Dickey a chance. I think if he puts in the effort and does a decent job recruiting local talent and venture out of state occasionally, he can build a sustainably successful program.

Cougar fans, back away from the ledge and give Dickey a chance.

Peter King's Nonsense
In general I don't like Peter King. He constantly rides Brett Favre's jock. He can't count to ten. I think Tim Tebow will be his new Favre. He also likes to constantly remind us who he texts with and who he talks to on their cell phone. Grow up.

I know it's the off season but write about something relevant or don't write anything. Just because SI.com gives you a column doesn't mean you have to fill it up. Write a line or two if that's all you can find to say.

I read King because occasionally he drops a good piece of info.

This week though it's the usual nonsense.

In his more than "Ten Things I Think I Think" bit, he bitches about cold weather Super Bowls. Talk about "Waaaahh!" Give me one reason why Super Bowls should be played exclusively indoors or in mild climate locations?

A direct quote from his column:

I think the thing about a Super Bowl in New Jersey in February 2014 -- which seems more and more likely with the vote due as early as May --is that too few people are thinking about the precedent it sets for future games in outdoor, cold-weather venues.

Really? Why is this a bad thing? He offers no reason why it would be ill advised to schedule Super Bowls in "bad weather" locations. All he goes on to state is if the it is awarded to New Jersey then Daniel Snyder, Pat Bowlen and Paul Allen will want Super Bowls too. And why shouldn't they want them? Why is Miami, San Diego or New Orleans any better than Washington, Denver or Seattle?

Just because people like the weather? Washington, Denver and Seattle have home field advantage in the elements. So why not give outdoor teams a chance to have an advantage in the Super Bowl. Why let the Colts, Saints or any indoor team have equal footing just because they play away from the elements? These teams and owners made their choices in playing indoors. Why penalize cities from hosting a Super Bowl just because other hosts are in potentially better weather places?

Football isn't a game for pansies. Playing outdoors is a big part of the game. I'd for once like to see teams battle it out in the weather for a title.

What if a Super Bowl is played in a torrential downpour in San Diego? Will King cry for games only in domed stadiums? Get a grip King and quit spewing your typical nonsense.

Peter King's Weekly Brett Favre Blowjob

Peter King hangs on Brett Favre's left nut like a calf on its mother's udder. King just can't go a week without mentioning Favre and publicly offering some kind of public fellatio.

This week it's Happy Birth, Brett Favre. King fawns over Favre like a love sick high school girl after the prom king. Let is rest King.

Happy birthday, Brett Favre: Favre turned 40 Saturday

when I spoke to him in the tunnel at the Metrodome, an hour or so after the emotional win over the Packers.

He always has to mention that he talked to Favre in person, on the phone or text messaging. He just can't go about his daily business of just reporting. Has to make it know how close he is to his boyfriend.

Think I'm exaggerating?

Favre overcomes nerves to deliver vintage performance

And of course this bit of useful information.

Scroll down to King's Stat of the Week.

Stat of the Week

Forty percent of the Green Bay active roster has never met Brett Favre. Of the 53 players eligible to dress for the Packers in the Metrodome tonight, 21 joined the team after Favre's departure in March 2008.

Add eight practice-squadders and two of three injured-reserve players who weren't on the team in Favre's last season there, and Favre would have a pretty strange time if he walked in to the Green Bay locker room at these days. He wouldn't know 31 of the 64 players in there.

Honestly, who gives a dump how many players on Green Bay's roster never met Favre? How does he in fact know that they didn't meet Favre at some players function? Did he personally go up to each Green Bay player and poll them if they had met Favre? They all do the same thing for a living. Maybe one or two crossed paths with Favre some where else? Maybe one of them is a deacon at Favre's church?

It's that kind of dumb shit writing that makes King an official hack of the Monkee Cage. It's just a made up stat so the King could mention Favre. It's not a blowjob unless it is public.

The scary part? All those Favre references were in the last week.

Go get a room, King!

And Peter King Reinforces His Lead as Hack

Unfucking believable. There is clueless and then there is dipshit worthlessness. And then there is Peter King.

A brief recap. King loves giving Brett Favre blowjobs in his weekly Monday Morning Quarterback column for Sports Illustrated. He also loves name dropping on who he exchanges after game texts and cell phone calls.

Then he is just flat out incompetent.

To wit, Kings his Top 15 for the NFL.

At No. 15 he has the Tennessee Titans. You know that team that is 0-2. The team that lost to defending champion Steelers. After that game, a top ranking might still be justifiable. But then the Titan defense gets lit up by the Houston Texans.

As a Texans fan, I can understand the Texans not having rank. But to put an 0-2 team on there is just pure ass kissing, incompetent writing. How about one of the other 1-1 teams instead of an 0-2 team. Last I checked one win beats no wins.

King you move to the front of the class as the top hack in the Monkee Cage.

Another Reason I Hate Peter King the Hack

Sometimes, like Official Hack Little Dickie Justice, Sports Illustrated writer Peter King makes an uninformed observation along the lines of point number 7:

7. I think the Rex Grossman signing in Houston says one thing to me: The honeymoon's over for Dan Orlovsky as the walk-in, no-doubt backup to Matt Schaub.

Granted, King states it as an observation. However, as any observer of the Houston Texans will know, King is simply wrong.

Bigfatdrunk at DGDG&D breaks it down on why Orlovsky is better than the Sex Cannon

There is a further discussion over at the Battle Red Blog comparing the Sex Cannon to the late signing and early release of Quin Gray before camp last season.

So go beat that dead horse at those two blogs if you must. I won't.

The real reasons I hate King are multiple. His constant online blowjob of Brett Farve is tops. I think he even tops John Madden in publicly performing fellatio on Farve.

Also his constant bragging on who he texts with during the off season and after games smacks of elitism.

His Tuesday column reaches a new low in his "I know these people, you don't" attitude. Most writers either talk about "sources in the organization" or something along those lines. King goes out of his way to say who texts him and who he talks to on their cell phone.

The second paragraph is a classic King texting marathon. Three times he brags on his texting skills:

But Monday night, I texted McDaniels, who is a big texter.

Texted his assistant and got back that the coach is laying low

Texted Marshall, who's also a texter.

Enough King. We get it! You know players and coaches. You know their cell phone numbers. Farve is your BFF but you have more than five people in you Circle of Five. Give it a freaking rest now. Farve is supposedly retired. Go blow him on the privacy of his ranch.

As if his texting buddies wasn't enough King has to remind us he's also BFF with a New York judge:

I'm friendly with a judge in the New York area

I honestly wouldn't have a problem with a friend judge and his anonymous comments if it wasn't for the fact that King hadn't rubbed it in my face about all his texting butt buddies.

Then there is finally the obligatory lick to Farve's nut sack when King gives his brief take on Farve's HBO interview.

To get an appreciation of Peter King's magnitude of suckage, one must read the whole body of work over the course of an NFL season. A casual reading doesn't come close to revealing how bad a writer he is. Over a year one notices certain patterns: his constant bragging of texting players and coaches, his tiresome Brett Farve lovefest, his inane observations of teams he has no interest in covering and his Ten Things I Think I Think feature that goes well beyond ten.

Congratulations Peter King. You are now the latest entry in to Unkle Monkee's list of Official Hacks.