Fearless Predictions for the Texans 2008 Season

Well not really a rant but my bold prediction for the Texans season. No rosed colored Kool-Aid drinking fan here. I'll save the Joe Pisarcik reference for opening day (that's a good sign that I can't think of one). And I can't fail to say how much I hate Herm Edwards and he's the worst coach in the league. And why the hell is Matt Millen still a GM?

Game 1 @ Pittsburgh - Another opening day loss for the Texans. The running duo of Willie Parker and rookie Rashard Mendenhall leave their footprints all over the defensive line. In turn it opens up the pass for Ben Roethlisberger and the WR tandem of Hines Ward and Santonio Holmes. The offense puts up a spirited fight and is able to put some points up against an overrated Steelers defense but it won't be enough. Steelers win 35-24

Game 2 vs. Baltimore - Coming home bruised and battered, the Texans take frustrations out on the Ravens. The once vaunted Ravens defense isn't what it used to be. Matt Schaub is able to find Andre Johnson for a couple of TDs and Kevin Walters keeps making clutch receptions over the middle. The defense isn't able to pressure the Ravens offense but there really isn't
much to fear. Texans win 24-14.

Game 3 @ Tennessee - Vince Young continues to struggle early in the season but the Texans defense can't contain him. He makes just enough plays to keep the defense on the field and the running game tires out the Texans. The Texans offensive line is able to hold the tough Titan defensive line in check on the passing game but not able to open running lanes for Steve Slanton. Young and company keep the Texans offense off the field as the Titans win 17-10.

Game 4 @ Jacksonville - This is the unlikeliest and probably least known rivalries in the NFL. Basically cause no one outside of Houston or Jacksonville gives a rat's ass. Jacksonville is looking to make a big push and challenge for the division crown. It's early but it's a must win for the Jags to be able to keep up with the Colts and stay ahead of the Titans and Texans. Personal fouls are the story of the day and Anthony Weaver gets ejected. Jags win 28-24.

Game 5 vs. Indianapolis - The Texans limp home 1-3 and the sky is falling on the sports talk shows. Some idiots are calling for head coach Kubiak's head. The Texans defense once again is run all over by Peyton Manning and Joseph Addai. The Texans offensive line takes a step back and Schaub eaves the game hurt. Sage Rosefels comes in and sparks to offense to a touchdown but that's it. Colts win 42-17.

Game 6 vs. Miami - The Dolphins roll into town and it's just what the doctor ordered. Ricky Williams and Ronnie Brown start off strong early but the defense stiffens and holds Miami out of the endzone for most of the game. Matt Schaub shakes of the Indy game injury and has a field day picking off Dolphin corners. Texans win 27-13.

Game 7 vs. Detroit - Mario Williams notches two or three sacks and the defense has a carry over from the Miami game. Still the offense struggles to find the end zone and have to rely on Kris Brown's leg. Four field goals and two touchdowns are enough for the Texans to win 26-21.

Game 8 @ Minnesota - Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor run all over the defense. Tavaris Jackson meets Mario Williams once. Schaub is harassed all day long by the Vikings defensive line. It gets ugly and early. Vikings win 38-10.

Game 9 vs. Cincinnati - The scoreboard is in constant motion as neither defense is able to stop the air attack of the other team. The Texans win on the strength of a Andre Davis kickoff return. Final score Texans 42 - Bengals 35. Defensive coordinator Rich Smith is fired after the game marking the second time after a Bengals game that heads roll. It was after a loss to the Bengals that Jack Pardee and Kevin Gilbride were taken out back and shot. Yeah I know that was Oilers.

Game 10 @ Indianapolis - And the firing of Smith does nothing. The defense is again lit up. The home crowd in a new stadium gets into the heads of the offense and Matt Schaub is bench after taking a beating. Rosenfels does no better. Colts win in a laugher 45-7.

Game 11 @ Cleveland - The Texans are once again road kill. A decent showing by the offense but a long day for the defense. Derek Anderson, Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow have a fun day and the Dawg Pound howls late into the night.

Game 12 vs. Jacksonville - Battle Red game day goes prime time on a Monday night and the Texans usually get pumped up for this one game. The Texans have only lost one or two home games against the Jags in the short franchise history. This is another home win as the defense puts all together and hold the Jags to 10 points. The offense moves the ball all day long but only get into the endzone twice and once again Kris Brown puts up four field goals. Texans win 26-10

Game 13 @ Green Bay - Green Bay, in December, on the frozen tundra but Brett Farve is gone. Come on, this is the Texans. They fall to the Packers by taking ineptitude to a new level. Schaub is bruised and batter, the defense is batter and bruised. The only bright spot is when the game clock reads 00:00. Green Bay wins 49-0.

Game 14 vs. Tennessee - The annual TNT game. Vince Young and Titan fans show up in droves and start a near riot as Young finally has a bad game against the Texans. Three INTs and a bunch of wounded ducks fly off Young's hand. The offense still has a hard time versus the Titan defense but it's Young's bad game that let's the Texans win 24-13.

Game 15 @ Oakland - Both teams are playing for nothing in a game only girlfriends, wives and diehards watch. It's a sloppy game by both teams but the Texans win again in Oakland 13-7.

Game 16 vs Chicago - The season mercifully comes to an end as the Texans take care of the hapless Bears 35-17.

The Texans once again finish 8-8 and fans call for Kubiak's head. It won't happen. They finally draft a running back in the first round and that's as far into the future I can see.