NFL Week 13

Like Texans fans that want Bill Cowher to coach the team but have no clue on the implications of such a hire, I love when someone who has no clue about football offers his ignorant opinion.

So much the better when it's a politician giving his opinion on the draft. Florida governor Charlie Crist talked to Jaguars ownership about drafting Tim Tebow in order to sell more tickets. I'm glad the governor took time out from his busy schedule to tell an owner of a private business how to run it. Florida is such a paradise that the governor can spend time constructing a NFL draft board. He is so confident of reelection that forget the campaign for governor. It's a campaign to keep the Jags in Jacksonville. Forget that the Jags already have a quarterback that can run and throw (throw better than Tebow at that), the governor wants to market Tebow.

It's December and like the changing of the leaves, the Cowboys lose. In an important divisional game against a team that has last more games lately than won. It certainly isn't lack of effort on offense. Tony Romo threw 3 touchdowns and no picks. Marion Barber had the only miscue on a rare fumble. Austin Miles, Jason Witten and a Roy Williams appearance all had big days. If there was any knock on the offense it why was Romo putting the ball up 55 times? What's going on with the running game?

If blame is due lay it at the feet of the defense and special teams. The defense allowed Brandon Jacobs to cut loose on a short pass. Jacobs turned the pass into a 74 yard TD. Dominik Dixon ran back a 79 yard punt after he appeared contained. Kicker Nick Polk didn't do anything to help the cause by missing a 42 yard FG attempt.

Steeler Nation must be in full melt down mode. Earlier in the year I expressed some concern about the Steelers and their offense. They started off 1-2 before righting the ship and reeling off five straight. The hit the skids hard with four losses in a row now. The Bengals own the division this year and the Steelers almost pulled off the win. If I'm a fan the two losses that obviously concern me are the KC and Oakland games. Those are two winnable games against bad teams yet the Steelers came up short. They have three tough games against Green Bay, Baltimore and Miami.

On the other hand, Raider Nation must be giddy as school girls. How many wins is that now? Outside of Oakland, who cares? The bottom line is the Raiders are still the same bad team they were when the season started. JeMarcus Russell might be on the bench but Bruce Gradkowski isn't the answer. Until the Godfather Emperor Palpatine dies or brings in a GM with a free strong hand, the Raiders will still suck.

Case in Point: Palpatine's selection of WR Darius Howard-Bey. For the Steeler game he was inactive. The first round pick is inactive. Why? I didn't see him on the injury report. The Raiders screwed the pooch on another first rounder. The Raiders needed all that speed to get all those long balls from Russell. Right? Just look at his game stats for the season. A freaking joke. I guess he and Russell can sit on the bench and eat hot dogs. Look at your future team Raider fans.

Michael Vick had a nice homecoming versus his old team. Unlike others, I want him to succeed. He made his mistake and paid a heavy price. We are all entitled to redemption if it a genuine gesture.

Like I stated last week, the NFL more than likely had caught up with the Patriots. They've been looking stale. Almost like the feel that they should just show up and win. The don't scare anyone. As the losses mount, the intimidation factor diminishes. In fact, I doubt anyone really fears them anymore. This week the Dolphins took them down.

I wonder what Daniel Snyder was hoping for when Jim Zorn was stripped of play calling duties? I know he was trying to get Zorn to quit so Snyder wouldn't be on the hook for his contract. Zorn didn't take the bait. Somebody else is calling plays but the results are the same. Same old Redskins, different Sunday. This time they let the undefeated Saints off the hook. As long as Snyder has owned the team he still doesn't get it. He needs to let someone else run the football operations. He's obviously a smart business man. He wouldn't be loaded otherwise. So why can't he realize that the same aspects apply to running a football team? It's not his personal fantasy team.

In the Sign of Things to come category, the NFL ended the $110 million a year revenue sharing program. The ESPN article doesn't say which revenue program since there are many including TV money, gate receipts and merchandising. I'm assuming the merchandising program is the one ended. Basically all the money from team merchandise sold is pooled and divided up between teams. The article implies that it was used to subsidized lower revenue teams. That is likely false. It's not a subsidy. It's shared revenue. Now it helps those lower revenue teams but the other teams receive the same amount.

What baffles me is that in the commentary and analysis I've read this week, no one has mentioned it. I'm not done with my weekly reading so I don't know what I've missed.

The move could be a sign of how the owners plan on negotiating with the players. The players plan on filing an appeal to an outside arbitrator to rule on the move. The players contend that the revenue sharing is a bargained issue and the league can't unilaterally end it without the NFL Players Association approval. The owners contend that it only applies to cap years. That next year will be uncapped and therefore there is no need for the program to exist.

If the clause ESPN is quoting is correct then the NFLPA will probably win:

"The revenue sharing program described to the NFLPA by memorandum dated March 10, 2006, has been determined by the NFLPA to be satisfactory. Any material modification to that program must also be reasonably satisfactory to the NFLPA.

I'm going to go without name a JeMarcus Russell Player of the Week and a line of the week this issue. It's already a long column....until next week, hopefully.

NFL Week 12 - Bite Me It's Late by a Week Edition

One of the big problems of trying to write a weekly NFL column is being in actual attendance of an NFL game. When I'm at a Texans game all else ceases to exist. Top that off with shift work and the week gets away from me and I find myself not caught up on the games of the past week. Factor in that work cut my internet access to sports websites and I'm even more clueless.

Basically I can limit my comments to the games that I watched. And to be honest that would leave me only the Patriots vs. the Saint.

What can I say? As much as I think that Saints fans are unbearable and the biggest douchebags (yes even worse that Cowboy bandwagon fans), the Saints are the real deal. They've always had the offense since Drew Brees arrived from San Diego. Now they have the defense to go with it.

They pretty much manhandled the Patriots. In watching the game though, I think the league is catching up with Bill Belichik and the Patriots. It looks like the Pats have become a bit predictable. The play book can be distilled to about three or four plays: Deep to Randy Moss. Underneath to Wes Welker. Draw play to Laurence Maroney. Pass to Kevin Faulk on 3rd down. Teams seem to know what is coming. Stopping the Pats is a different story. They are still a good team but at 7-4 they aren't the All-Universe World Beaters they used to be. The quality teams of the NFL no longer are intimidated or fear the Pats. The Genius Belichik looks pretty stale as of late.

The Cowher Rumor
According the Houston Chronicle's NFL writer John McClain, someone wrote on a blog that Bill Cowher would be interested in the Texans or Bears job. The national media ran with it. Local fans went bonkers and started clamoring for Gary Kubiak's head and do what it takes to get Cowher.
McClain shot down the rumor in last week's Texans online chat session he does for the Chronicle.

This week Profootball Weekly clarified the rumor. PFW quotes inside sources that Bears representatives talked to someone who knows Cowher and asked him to gauge Cowher's interest and requirements to take the job. Cowher never expressed any interest about the Bears or the Texans job. It was the Bears reaching out to him.

Hot Seat
It's that time of year where coaches seats go from warm to hot to scorched. The Bills axed head man Dick Jauron already. Rumors are swirling that Lovie Smith is in deep trouble in Chicago. Jim Zorn and Eric Mangini are almost as good as gone. Jeff Fisher might leave the Titans. I wonder if Jim Mora is feeling some heat in Seattle especially after the GM step down this week. Gary Kubiak is standing on the ledge with owner Bob McNair deciding whether or not to push him off. Wade Phillips and Tom Cable are on the list too. Several more coaches are borderline including John Fox and Jack Del Rio.

While not in any danger of losing their jobs, Mike Singletary, Rex Ryan and Raheem Morris might get a stern talking to by management. The word on Singletary is his intensity and rhetoric are great but he is getting out coached is some games. That he might be a little to hands on and not a great X's and O's guy. Ryan might be told to tone down his mouth. He started off winning three games in a row but came down to earth real quick. As for Morris, there are multiple reports stating that Morris may be in over his head in Tampa. He is getting overwhelmed by the job.

Of course it doesn't help that Super Bowl winning coaches are working in the television booth and not the sidelines. Cowher, Mike Shanahan, Tony Dungy, Brian Billick and Jon Gruden will be on many short lists this off season. Of those names I see Shanahan as the only sure bet to take a job. It's the worst kept secret in football that Cowher wants the Carolina job. Dungy seems more content with his role as a mentor to players and troubled youth. I don't know anything going on with Billick. Gruden just signed an extension to his TV contract so there might be a buy out clause that may keep teams away.

JeMarcus Russell Player of the Week
I have to give it to home town goat Matt Schaub. Even though the Texans let the Colts back into the game they were still in striking distance. At the most inopportune time he threw a pick for TD and then was stripped of the football allowing the Colts a short field.

Line of the Week
Again I have to give it to Green Bay corner Charles Woodson: 7 tackles, 2 interceptions (one for a 38 yard TD return), 1 sack, 1 forced fumble, 1 fumble recovery. All that and he was upset that he gave up a TD reception to Calvin Johnson. There is no shame in give up a TD to Johnson.

The Texans are on the road this week so I'll be on my usual seat at Buffalo
Wild Wings in Midtown....

NFL Week 11 - The Open Date

I strayed off my weekly on field analysis and decided to address a few things about the NFL schedule and rosters.

The Open Date
For starters, it’s not a bye. A bye is when a team earns or is seeded in a tournament or playoff in such a place that they don’t compete in a round. When the top two seeds don’t play in the NFL’s first round of playoffs, that is a bye. A team scheduled off during the season is an open date.

Which brings me to my main point, the nature of the open date is inherently wrong. I think it builds in a late season advantage for some teams to rest up while other teams get the open date as early as the fourth week.

I’d like to see the league either do away with it entirely or make it more equitable. The season is seventeen weeks long to allow for the open week. May as well let half the teams take the week off in week nine and the other half in week ten. That seems fair when compared to the current system.

The Expanded Season
Roger Goodell and the ownership seem hell bent on expanding the season to 18 games. Several issues need to be addressed before this happens. TV contracts will need be adjusted for the extra games, the schedule formula reworked, rosters expanded and player pay also increased for two more game checks.

With the looming potential work stoppage, I personally don’t see how all that will get done in addition to negotiating a new CBA.

As it stands, I’d like to see the NFL expand the rosters for the 16 game season. Teams are allowed to carry 53 players with 46 plus a 3rd quarterback on game day. Teams also carry a practice squad but those players aren’t exclusive to the team. Any team may sign a practice squad player to the 53 man roster.

Instead, the NFL should revamp the current system to allow all 53 players active on game day. No more scratches. The owners pay the players a game day check anyway so why not make the eligible to play? Another route the league could take is to keep the 46 game day roster and expand the designated emergency players. Designate one emergency player at quarterback, running back, offensive lineman, defensive lineman, linebacker, defensive back and receiver. If a player leaves the game and is replaced by the emergency player, then the original player isn’t allowed to return to the game.

The Injured Reserve
While I’m pontificating about the rosters, the owners may as well change up the injured reserve rules. In the past, teams could designate a player on injured reserve and reactivate him during the season. The rule changed to prevent teams from stocking players on injured reserve even though healthy. Now it’s an all or nothing list. A player goes on the list and doesn’t count against the roster limit or he sits out hurt and counts against the roster.

The NFL should take a page from Major League Baseball. They could alter the injured reserve rule for varying periods of time. A player could go on injured reserve for either a 4, 6 or 12 week period or out for the year. Of course there should be limits on the number of players on injured reserve. Maybe two or three players max on the eligible to return list to keep teams from stockpiling players. I’d also suggest limiting the number of times a team can use the injured reserve in a season. Finally, along the lines of the PUP list, once the injury time is up, a team must decide to activate the player or he is out for the season.

NFL Week 10 - The Genius and the Idiot

Some people, mostly in the New England area, think Bill Belichik is a genius. Others believe he is a cheat. Obviously you don’t win three Super Bowl rings, go undefeated in the regular season and lose a fourth Super Bowl without something working between the ears.

It’s gospel on this blog that I believe that Jack Del Rio inherited the title of Worst NFL Coach upon the retirement of Herm Edwards.

The roles were some what reversed this week.

By now everyone has hashed, rehashed and regurgitated Belichick’s decision to go for the first down against Payton Manning and the Colts Sunday night. My two cents: punt the ball and let Manning earn it. Don’t give him a short field to work with.

On the flipside, Del Rio instructed running back Maurice Drew-Jones not to score in the closing minutes of the Jacksonville Jaguars game against the New York Jets. Drew-Jones took a knee at the one instead of plunging in to the endzone. The Jets had no time outs left and the Jags only needed a field goal to win. They ran out the clock, kicked the FG and won the game.

Those two games show the fine line between genius and idiot. If the Patriots get the first down and win, Belichick is the toast of the town and hailed a gutsy genius. If the Jags miss the field goal, fumble the snap or some other slapstick error, Del Rio probably gets closer to earning his pink slip.

As it stands, the Patriots may have lost any chance at gaining home field advantage through out the playoffs. Unless they collapse completely, they should win their division. The Jags, despite Del Rio, remain in the hunt for a wild card spot and also achieve the tie breaker over the Jets.

Dysfunction Junction, What’s Your Function?

The are bad teams (Chiefs, Lions, Rams) and then there are the problem children of the NFL…Browns, Redskins and Bills.

Incompetence and dysfunction rule the roost in those franchises. The Browns currently hold the lead after firing the GM and Eric Mangini’s antics now catching the eye of the NFL Players Association.

Not to be out done, Ralph Wilson fired Bills head coach Dick Jauron while I started writing this last night. I find the time odd. He had the best opportunity to do so during the open date. Instead Wilson does it on Tuesday, promotes the defensive coordinator to interim coach and expects the team to be prepared to play this Sunday.

I understand pulling the plug on a coach but there are better ways to handle things. Firing a coach during the week isn’t the best way. The move proves the level of chaos going on in Buffalo.

Old Man Wilson styles himself a man of the people. He is the only owner who votes against relocation anytime a team wants to pick up and move. He’s voted against teams moving every time. It’s a nice gesture and pretty meaningless. Remember this is the same owner who is playing regular season games in Toronto and might be rumored to move more games, if not the franchise, to Toronto.

With that kind of doublespeak, it’s no wonder his franchise is swirling down the toilet. Chaos breeds chaos. Wilson, 91, needs to step back and let a younger man run his team. Hands off is generally the best way to go. Just sign the checks and watch the books, Wilson and enjoy your last few years in this life.

And on the Field of Play
Things in Denver seem to hit a wall. After a blazing 6-0 start, the Broncos now have lost the last three. The latest was to division archrival San Diego. The ESPN Football Today podcast, with Mike Green), brought up an interesting point about the Broncos. They pointed out that Denver’s defense isn’t all that young. The tough games they played against the Ravens and Steelers may have taken a toll on the older bodies. Now they really haven’t recovered and will continue to wear down as the season progresses.

Say what you want about the 18-12 score, I still thought it was an entertaining game between the Bengals and the Steelers. No offensive touchdowns usually mean a dull game (Browns 6, Bills 3). Both teams played solid defense and left it out on the field. There was plenty at stake for both teams. Bengals solidified their hold on the AFC North and one game away from sweeping the division. They put themselves in position to compete for a bye in the playoffs. While not out of the divisional race yet, the Steelers must start thinking wildcard. It would take a dramatic Bengals collapse for them to win the division.

Just when you think the Cowboys are making a strong push, the December Boys make a midseason showing. The ‘boys blew a chance to put some distance in the division between themselves and the Giants and Eagles. More curious is why they didn’t use the three headed monster of Tashard Choice, Felix Jones and Marion Barber. Instead the Green Bay defense harassed Tony Romo for the better part of the game.

The free fall continues for the Jets. After opening with a three game win streak and the swagger of coach Rex Ryan, the Jets aren’t looking the like the dark horse playoff team anymore. One scout on I read stated that it would take defensive coaches about three games to figure out rookie Jet quarterback Mark Sanchez. Right on schedule, three games into the season is where the slump begins.

Line of the Week - Charles Woodson CB Green Bay Packers
Two forced fumbles, 9 tackles (2 for a loss), 1 sack, 1 Interception

JeMarcus Russell Player of the Week
This week it goes to a coach. Bill Belichick. Come on man, at least make Payton Manning drive the length of the field.

NFL Week 8

I slacked off after actually writing this column weekly last season (except for the Sage Rosencopter game). I had my bye week last week. Took some vacation days to unwind from work. Took in the Texans-49ers game and then headed out to the lake for a few days.

My bye is over and here I go again.

I started off with a Hack Roll Call but it got to long so I set it up as a stand alone column.

Going of the Rails on the Crazy Browns Train

First off, I can't help but admire the train wreck the Cleveland Browns are. They went from bad to complete dysfunction in less than one season. Owner Randy Lerner relieved general manager George Kokinis of duties. What isn't clear is the manner of the dismissal. Reports, or rumors, are that Lerner wants Kokinis terminated for cause because Kokinis wasn't achieving goals stated in his contract. Lerner is trying weasel his way out of it because he's still paying previous GM Phil Savage, former coach Romeo Crennel and the old coaching staff. If he can't get out of the contract, he's stuck paying Kokinis for four more years. Not to mention Eric Mangini and his staff if he makes the change at the end of the year.

Lerner has no one to blame but himself. He rashly hired Mangini without conducting much of a search. He hired Kokinis after Mangini hand picked him for GM. The week before the team released director of operations Erin O'brien. Mangini also handpicked O'brien.

SI.com's Dan Banks wrote an excellent column explaining the mess and quoting sources close to Kokinis and the Browns.

Son of Zeus
The anointed Son of Zeus, Vince Young, is starting again for the Tennessee Titans. Yawn. The ESPN Football Today Podcast with Jeremy Green and Pod Vader did a classic bit. To sum it up, they said Young's pass plays were to look at one WR, not go through progressions, and if he was covered to run. Don't look at options 2, 3 or 4. If he did and ended up back at one then he held the ball to long.

Quick Hitters

Ted Ginn found a bit of redemption with the Miami Dolphins. He returned two kick off returns for TDs. I've watched him play a few games and have not been impressed with him as a receiver. I think his staying power in the league will be as a return man. Maybe he can pick up being a real WR soon. He is only in his third year but he needs a lot of hard work.

The amazing thing about the Jets-Dolphins game was that the 'fins scored three TDs without the offense on the field: Ginn's two returns and a fumble returned for a TD.

The Denver Broncos finally lost a game. I'm sure SI.com's hack Andy Perlof is jumping for joy. The Ravens went away from a Joe Flacco passing attack and went back to running the ball. Flacco threw a balled control 175 yards while running the ball and playing stiff defense.

Ryan Clark and the Steelers haven't come to a decision on whether Clark will play this week in Denver. In 2007, the thin air affected Clark and his sickle celled trait. He had his spleen and gall bladder removed. Hines Ward, one of the toughest men in the NFL, says if it were him there would be no question, he wouldn't play. I agree with Ward. Playing football hurt and laying it all on the line is one thing. This is a possible life and death situation. No game is worth that. The Steelers shouldn't even be considering it...just sit him...even if it means taking the loss.

Who dreamed up this match up? Lions and Rams? I know, the NFL has a schedule formula so it was bound to happen. Either way it was a sick game...literally but at least it wasn't a Bills-Browns 6-3 fiasco. At one point it was a 3-2 game though. Ugh.

Line of the Week
Ted Ginn - 6 kickoff returns, 294 yards, 2 TDs of 101 yards and 100 yards

JeMarcus Russell Line of the Week
Kurt Warner - Doing his best Jake Delhomme impersonation, with Delhomme in the house, Warner threw 5 picks and had one fumble in leading the Cardinals to a 34-21 defeat against the Panthers.

Jack Del Rio Coach of the Week
Tom Cable of the Oakland Raiders wins the award this week. Not for being the coach of the Raiders but for the allegations of his off the field behavior. ESPN's show "Outside the Lines" documented his alleged behavior in "Women: Cable Has Violent History".

Closing Thoughts
When was the last time the NFL had this many dysfunctional teams? I'm not talking about bad product on the field but also turmoil behind the scenes. The Washington Redskins have a little Adolf Hitler in Dan Snyder. He stripped head coach Jim Zorn of offensive play calling duties. Why didn't he just cut his balls off at midfield? The Browns are a disaster with all the current upheaval. Al Davis, the Raiders and Tom Cable? Need I say more? Jacksonville can't sell out a home game to lift the local black out and head coach Jack Del Rio is an idiot. The Buffalo Bills are shifting games to Toronto and Dick Jauron is coaching a listless team. Larry Johnson tried to talk his way out of Kansas City but they called his bluff. And reports are that the Bucs coaches are way in over their heads.

The Sheriff Roger Goodell seem intent on the personal conduct policy but maybe he needs to call his deputies in and remind them that ultimately their decisions affect the health of the league. They sink or swim together...

Hack Roll Call

Hack Roll Call

I'm going to start off with my favorite hack, Peter King. Green Bay hosted the Minnesota Vikings so I imagined that King was in masturbatory heaven. A quick check of his column archive reveals he must have lost feeling in both hands. They played the game on November 1st, so he starts his jack off fest on October 30th. I'm used to King's public blow jobs of Brett Favre. He finds meaningless meanings on senseless topics about Favre. Still I was surprised by his latest Monday Morning Quarterback column. Not only did he take Favre's manhood in his mouth, he bent over and took it his ass and then he turned around and took the full facial. Congrats Kings, you once again solidify your straggle hold on my Official List of Hacks.

Speaking of hacks, Richard Justice out did himself with his blog Yes, the Texans should have taken Vince Young. Vince Young is to Justice as Favre is to King. When Justice isn't administering oral pleasure on Astros owner Drayton McClane, he's busy hurting his chin on Young's tiny nut sack. He still can't get over the fact that the Texans made a football decision and took Mario Williams. He wants Texans owner Bob McNair to run the Texans like McClane runs the Astros. He believes that Young should have been taken in order for the Texans to sell seats. Winning be damned. He conveniently ignores the fact that the Texans have sold out every game since they came into to the league. People might not show up but at least the tickets are sold. Secondly, almost all fans see McClane for what he is...a snake oil salesman. Just take a look at the direction the Astros are going....no thanks, Justice.

At least that other hack, Andy Perloff, shut up about the Broncos. Not even a peep since they lost to the Ravens.

Why We Really Don't Have to Write Aggy Jokes

....because they do it for us!

Texas A&M is a school with a warped idea of tradition and sense. They believe things were better in 1940s & 1950s than now. They have carried over that mindset into the 21st century. Their response is that outsiders don't understand. They are right. I don't want to understand.

There is no other way to put it than A&M has a bitterness and penis envy of the University of Texas Longhorns. Their obsession with UT is unparalleled in the world of college rivalries.

Besides the UT penis envy, A&M has an inferiority complex to other universities. Cloaked as aggy pride they ridicule the University of Houston (Cougar High), Texas Tech (ITT Tech, tceh) and University of Texas (t.u.) to make themselves feel better.

Aggy can dish it out but not take it. The second someone calls A&M other names like AgroFascists, Nazi Tech or Berlin on the Brazos they explode.

No joke. At work we now have an institutional harassment clause because an aggy got upset when someone responded to his taunts.

While aggys take pride in their school, which is their right, the rest of the Great State of Texas is laughing at them while also embarrassed by them. While the Cougars, Horned Frogs, Red Raiders and Longhorns make their football programs relevant nationally, the aggys are mired in thoughts of yesteryear when they had a program. Welcome to the 21st Century.

Just a few examples of the joke aggys are. And they bring it on themselves.

They dress a few male students to lead the aggys in cheers. It's beyond words. A great example of disrespect aggys have for other schools is this video. The Milkman talking makes some very unflattering comments towards living football legend Joe Paterno:

They actually look like a group of boy band rejects.

Later that weekend an aggy booster goes hunting at the game:


Aggys it is bad enough that your team got cornholed by K-State 62-14 but this is how your Milkmen prepare for a game? How then does your football team prepare for a game.


Props to the Texas Tech Red Raider who put this website up:
The Famous Aggy Yell Leader Video

Poor aggys, everybody pokes fun at them!

NFL Week #5

Where to start this week?

I'm going with the Dallas Cowboys and the Kansas City Chiefs. It was a valiant try by the Chiefs but they are just not even a decent team. The Chiefs and Raiders are fielding Junior Varsity teams right now.

On the other hand, Dallas, how did you let KC stick around for so long? If it wasn't for the combination of Austin Miles carrier receiving day (10 catches, 250 yards and 2 TDs) and inept Chiefs tackling, we'd all be snickering at the Cowboys. Aw hell, I'm snickering anyway.

JaMarcus Russell had another Russell day at the office. 8 completions on 13 attempts for 100 yards and three fumbles. It's why one of my weekly awards is named after him.

The Bengals! Whodda thunk it? 4-1. Not only 4-1 but the fashion they've done it in. With a strong running game from Cedric Benson, a healthy Carson Palmer and a defense. This week they scored in the closing seconds to stun the Baltimore Ravens. Some fans wanted Marv Lewis gone after last season. Changing coaches is a perilous task.

Speaking of changing coaches, how did that work out for you Cleveland? The Mangenius was shown the door after three seasons in New York. He's working his magic again in Cleveland. There may already be some rebelling among the players. What do you expect when you fine a player $1701 for taking a bottled water from the hotel? If I were Cleveland fan, I'd be pining for the days of Romeo Crennell. They are a disaster...a 6-3 win over Buffalo.

San Francisco returned to earth for a bit. After blasting the Rams in week four, they tables were turned as the Falcons dismantled them this week. They pinned 477 yards on the 49ers and held them to 279.

Stat Line of the Week
Miles Austin - Cowboys vs. Chiefs
10 receptions, 250 yards, 2 TD
Only reason he didn't have more is because he ran out of field because the Chiefs weren't stopping him.

Vince Young/JaMarcus Russell Player of the Week
Derek Anderson - QB Browns
2 completions, 17 attempts, 23 yard, O TD, 1 INT, 15.3 passer rating

Not Man Enough to Write
Andrew Perloff - sportillustrated.com
In his week 4 Against the Grain column, Perloff offered this backhanded praise to the Denver Broncos:

1. Congrats to the Broncos for the 4-0 start. And condolences in advance for your 4-4 record at the midway point (Their next games are New England, at San Diego, at Baltimore and Pittsburgh). A home win over the Cowboys is supposed to be the crowning win that convinces us all they're for real?

Instead of admitting that Denver might be the real deal, in his week five column, he goes to the logic of a three year old.

That being said, if the Pats played Denver in Foxborough, Mass., they would have won by two touchdowns.

It's no wonder Andrew Perloff is forever enshrined in Unkle Monkee's Official List of Hacks.

There was a Vince Young sitting in Tennessee this week. He was actually on the field. Playing! Of course, it was meaningless playing time. I didn't see what point he entered the game as I had quit watching. The cries for Young to start are getting louder in inbred methland. Don't worry inbreds, Young will be starting soon. Not to save the season because it's lost already. No, it will be his dress rehearsal for next season. His escalator clause in his contract kicks in and the Titans need to see if he is worth keeping around, cutting or negotiating to reduce his contract.

That's my story for this week and I'm sticking to it.

Week 5 Results vs. the Spread

I think I did better than last week.

This week I'll actually try and analyze what went right and what went wrong.

Last week there were five double digit spreads. I've stated in the past that I'm leery of double digit spreads. Still I have to consider the teams involved and over all play before I make the pick. I don't blindly go select a team just because it's a double digit dog.

The Ravens were ten point favorites over the Bengals. I think sometimes the line is based on perceptions and not actual facts. Fact is the Bengals only had one loss, Carson Palmer is healthy and the Ravens gave up a ton of pass yards to Phillip Rivers. On top of that, the Bengals are playing solid defense. I didn't think the Bengals would win straight up but I did believe 10 points was to high a spread for two teams that were playing well.

The Vikings were eleven point favorites over the Rams and the Steelers had the same spread against the Lions. In the Vikings-Rams match up, it was actually a pretty easy pick. The Rams are just that awful. Detroit showed some life against Chicago but the Steelers rediscovered a running game with Rashard Mendenhall. I took the Steelers to dominate the Lions. I was correct with the Vikings but underestimated the Lions.

The other double digit spreads were the sixteen point both the Eagles over the Bucs and the NY Giants over the Raiders. I was a little bit concerned about Donovan McNabb's health in his return but I guessed that the Bucs were just that bad. In the NY Giants-Raider game, I figured if the Texans manhandled the Raiders then the NY Giants were going to destroy them. I was right in both cases.

In the double digit category I went 3-1.

As for the rest of the games I went 9-4, if I did my numbers right.

The biggest shocker was the Broncos upsetting the Patriots. I had the Pats taking care of business in Denver. I think the Broncos are the real deal...for now.

I thought the Seattle vs. Jacksonville match up was going to be a risky play. If I were putting actual money on the line I would pass up on this game. I took the 'hawks but I don't think anyone had a clue they would roll the Jags the way they did.

Chiefs hanging with the Cowboys hurt me. As a Cowboy hater I was pulling for KC but never let emotions get in the way of betting. Dallas pulled out the last minute heroics against a weak Chiefs. Says something about the Cowboys.

The Sick Old Man game of the week was the Bills favored by six over the Browns. I knew both teams were inept but not this bad...wow what a stinker.

Finally, anything less than a TD and I'm not betting on the Titans. They just flat out suck this year.

I'll have week six picks tomorrow.

Peter King's Weekly Brett Favre Blowjob

Peter King hangs on Brett Favre's left nut like a calf on its mother's udder. King just can't go a week without mentioning Favre and publicly offering some kind of public fellatio.

This week it's Happy Birth, Brett Favre. King fawns over Favre like a love sick high school girl after the prom king. Let is rest King.

Happy birthday, Brett Favre: Favre turned 40 Saturday

when I spoke to him in the tunnel at the Metrodome, an hour or so after the emotional win over the Packers.

He always has to mention that he talked to Favre in person, on the phone or text messaging. He just can't go about his daily business of just reporting. Has to make it know how close he is to his boyfriend.

Think I'm exaggerating?

Favre overcomes nerves to deliver vintage performance

And of course this bit of useful information.

Scroll down to King's Stat of the Week.

Stat of the Week

Forty percent of the Green Bay active roster has never met Brett Favre. Of the 53 players eligible to dress for the Packers in the Metrodome tonight, 21 joined the team after Favre's departure in March 2008.

Add eight practice-squadders and two of three injured-reserve players who weren't on the team in Favre's last season there, and Favre would have a pretty strange time if he walked in to the Green Bay locker room at these days. He wouldn't know 31 of the 64 players in there.

Honestly, who gives a dump how many players on Green Bay's roster never met Favre? How does he in fact know that they didn't meet Favre at some players function? Did he personally go up to each Green Bay player and poll them if they had met Favre? They all do the same thing for a living. Maybe one or two crossed paths with Favre some where else? Maybe one of them is a deacon at Favre's church?

It's that kind of dumb shit writing that makes King an official hack of the Monkee Cage. It's just a made up stat so the King could mention Favre. It's not a blowjob unless it is public.

The scary part? All those Favre references were in the last week.

Go get a room, King!

Week 4 Results, Week 5 Picks

I don't have much time to do this so it's brief.

This is why I don't gamble. Week 4 I went 4-9 or something like that. Regardless it was an awful week for my selections.

I'll try to do a bit better this week.

Bengals (+10) at Ravens - To many points against the Bengals. Carson Palmer had success against the Steelers. Bengals

Vikings (-11) at Rams - The rams are that pathetic. This is a double digit spread I will take. Vikings

Steelers (-11) at Lions - Going against a double digit spread in choosing the Lions bit my ass. I expect a lot of Rashard Mendenhall this game. Steelers

Cowboys (-8.5) at Chiefs - Dallas offense has been inept. The Chiefs are inept from top to bottom. Cowboys

Raiders (+16) at NY Giants - Wow. A 16 point spread in the pros is almost unheard of. I'm leery of making this pick. Raiders are hopeless but 16? NY Giant

Buccaneers (+16) at Eagles - Donovan McNabb is back but has he fully recovered? I'm wondering. Eagles

Redskins (+4.5) at Panthers - Two teams going no where fast. I'm taking the home team Panthers

Browns (+6) at Bills - Wheels are coming off fast in Buffalo. Cleveland showed some life last week. Browns

Falcons (+2.5) at 49ers - Mike Singletary has niners playing tough defense and Falcons running back Michael Turner isn't a good road back. 49ers

Texans (+5.5)at Cardinals - The Texans can move the ball but have red zone issues. Any, but the Raiders, have moved the ball on the Texans. Has the makings of a shoot out. Texans cover but lose.

Jaguars (-1.5) at Seahawks - Terrible match up. Seattle might get some home cooking going though. Seahawks

Patriots (-3) at Broncos - Could Broncos crash back to Earth? I'll take my chances with the Pats. I higher spread and I would have taken Denver.

Colts (-4) at Titans - Until the Titans defense shows they can stop anyone I can't pick them. Colts

NY Jets (-2) at Dolphins - Jets bounce back against the 'fins.

NFL Week 4

Finally some time to screw off at work and do what I like to do....nothing.

Don't me wrong, I love going to the Texans games. It's my Hanukah, Christmas, Kwanza and Ramadan rolled into one. "Eight Sundays of Football" should be the title of my biography. There aren't many places I'd rather be than those eight home games. I take that back...there is no place I'd rather be than Reliant Cathedral.

The only draw back to being at home games is I don't get to watch all the other games going on. My second favorite place to be on Sundays is at a sports bar watching all the games. After a Texans home game, by the time I get the sports bar I miss a lot of the action or the games are already a blowout.

All I can say about Dallas is they suck. Maybe they needed that edge T.O. gave them. Nothing makes me laugh harder when the high expectations are brought down to earth by reality. 2-2....no better than the Texans.

I'm actually laughing harder at the Titans than at any Dallas loss. I can't remember where but I read some place that there are two types of Titan fans: those of the team and fans of Vince Young. At 0-4 the VY Fan Club of Tennessee is starting to call for the Wonderlic Genius to start in place of Kerry Collins. Head coach Jeff Fisher insists that Collins isn't the problem. Never mind that Vodka Collins (a name bestowed on him by some Texans fans) didn't complete a pass in his last 13 attempts against Jacksonville. My guess is that VY would throw 30 incompletions in the same span. Or he'd curl up in the fetal position and cry.

At this point it's obvious the Titans woes start with the defense. Is it the loss of Fat Albert Hayensworth? Or the loss of defensive coordinator Jim Schwartz? My guess is it's Schwartz. Other than Fat Albert, it's the same team out there. Pro Bowlers in the secondary and a healthy line upfront from last year still patrol for the defense. What gives? Matt Schaub had a career best 4 TDs and David Garrard looked like an All-Pro last week at against a leaky Titans pass defense. For now I'm putting it on the new coordinator.

As much as I hate to admit it, I think the New Orleans Saints are for real. They dismantled the NY Jets defense and brought Mark Sanchez back to earth. Sanchez had zero TDs and three INTs. Drew Brees, for the second game in a row, didn't throw for a TD. In fact they are winning on strong defense. If the defense can hold up all year then dammit you think douche nozzle Saints are unbearable now....imagine if the win the Super Bowl.

The Pittsburgh Steelers survive another interesting game. This time the offense actually put up some points on the board. The defense and special teams almost gave it away. For this week, Rashard Mendenhall is my hero. And only because he kicked ass and removed any doubt if I would win a fantasy game in one of my leagues. The Steelers are a scary team. They can be scary inept but if they put it back together a repeat isn't out of the question.

Later in the week, I'll have my usual features: the Joe Pisarcik/Vince Young Player of the Week, the Herm Edwards Coach of the Week and the Line of the Week. Also my week four results and week five picks.

NFL Week 4 Picks

This is on the fly. Better late that never. Last week was pretty busy. I didn't get to post week one results or week two picks.

Kick off is in a few hours so here goes.

Rule modification: Last season, the rule was majority rules on point spreads. I use foxsports.com's NFL odds page. Five books are reported. The rule worked out well until this week. I couldn't make a pick on three games if the rule applied. I'm changing the case of a 2-2-1 tie, 1 wins. Example: In the Chargers vs. Steelers, two books have it Chargers +7, another two have it Chargers +6.5 and one has it Chargers +6. I'll use the +6 in this game.

Detroit(+10) at Chicago - Lions won for the first time in a century. Believe it or not I'm having a tough time making a choice. I'm going out on a limb with Lions losing but covering.

Oakland (+9) at Houston - Another tough one to call. The Texans have twice been home favorites and lost. Oakland covered the one double digit spread against them and are 2-1 against. I'm going with the trend and calling the road dog Raiders to lose but cover.

Titas (-3) at Jacksonville - Titans are in a 0-3 hole while Jacksonville is chaos despite the win against the Texans. Titans

NY Giants (-10) @ Kansas City - I'm usually hesitant to pick for double digit spread. KC is nearly always the exception. NY Giants

Baltimore (+2) at New England - No brainer. Ravens

Seattle (+10)at Indianapolis - The Seahawks are the walking wounded. Again. Colts

Tampa Bay (+7.5) at Washington - Two hapless teams. Bucs cover and maybe win.

Cincinnati (-7) at Cleveland - Bengals

Buffalo at Miami - Pick 'em. Buffalo

NY Jets (+7.5) at New Orleans - two contrasting styles of football. Rough and tumble Jets against the high flying Saints. Jets

Dallas (-3) at Denver - I want to give Denver the benefit of the doubt for now. The Cowboys played crappy at home and now must take the crap show on the road. Broncos

St. Louis (+10) at San Francisco - It's a safe bet to take the double digits in this game. 49ers

San Diego (+6) at Pittsburgh - It's to large a spread against the Chargers.

And Peter King Reinforces His Lead as Hack

Unfucking believable. There is clueless and then there is dipshit worthlessness. And then there is Peter King.

A brief recap. King loves giving Brett Favre blowjobs in his weekly Monday Morning Quarterback column for Sports Illustrated. He also loves name dropping on who he exchanges after game texts and cell phone calls.

Then he is just flat out incompetent.

To wit, Kings his Top 15 for the NFL.

At No. 15 he has the Tennessee Titans. You know that team that is 0-2. The team that lost to defending champion Steelers. After that game, a top ranking might still be justifiable. But then the Titan defense gets lit up by the Houston Texans.

As a Texans fan, I can understand the Texans not having rank. But to put an 0-2 team on there is just pure ass kissing, incompetent writing. How about one of the other 1-1 teams instead of an 0-2 team. Last I checked one win beats no wins.

King you move to the front of the class as the top hack in the Monkee Cage.

Picks vs. Spread Week One Results, Week Two Picks

Off to a lousy start. Your favorite Unkle Monkee finished week one with a dismal 7-9 record against the spread. Not good if I wanted to make a living at this. Thank God I don't nor have any desire to.

What went right? As I thought, +6 for the Titans was to much a spread against the Steelers. The difference ended up only three with the game going into OT. I figured the Ravens would roll the Chiefs but was surprised in the points put up by the Chiefs. It was just a friendly reminder on why I don't even try to guess on the over/unders.

One thing I'm trying more is to follow up on trends. One thing I figured on was the Panthers not shaken off the disaster in last year's playoffs. It paid off. Jake Delhomme picked up right where he left off with turnovers and the Eagles netting me a win.

Intense rivalries are hard to pick but I usually bet against a wide spread. Case in point was the Raiders (+9) hosting the Chargers. Games like this one can go either way and the spread was just to big. Raiders lost but covered.

What went wrong? More than went right. I thought the Dolphns would put up a better fight against the Falcons. Wrong. On the other hand, I didn't think the Jags would put up such a hard fight against the Colts. I should have paid more attention to the series history. Jags usually put up a tough game for the Colts.

Three games that really bit me in the ass were Lions-Saints, Bills-Pats and Seahawks-Rams. I figured the season opener would put more spunk into the Lions and Rams. Both teams appear to have picked up where they left off last season. The Rams accomplished the only goose egg on the scoreboard. I thought the Pats would roll the Bills. I thought the Bills firing of the offensive coordinator would hurt them. It didn't.

Double Digit Spreads
There were three double spreads this week. I took two of them and lost. In the Bills-Pats, I discounted the divisional rivalry and lost. I thought the Lions would put up a better fight. Chiefs lived up the bad billing.

Week 2 Picks

As usual, I use the odds posted at FoxSports.com. Picks are in bold.

Carolina (+6) @ Atlanta - The Panthers suffered carry over from last years playoffs and the Falcons beat the other NFL surprise of 2008. The Falcons don't have the defense anywhere near what the Eagles brought last week. This is a tough game to call but I'm think the Panthers cover but lose.

St. Louis (+10) at Washington - Until the Lambs prove they can beat a double digit spread I'm going against them. The shut out doesn't help matters. Redskins

Houston (+6.5) @ Tennessee - The Texans couldn't move the ball or stop the NY Jets last week. It doesn't get any easier against the Titans.

New Orleans @ Philadelphia - two pick 'ems and two no lines. No selection due to no new info on Donovan McNabb or Kevin Kolb gets the start.

New England (-4) @ NY Jets - This line is about right. Patriots

Oakland (+3) @ Kansas City - Plus three for the Raiders. Are you kidding me? Raiders

Arizona (+3) @ Jacksonville - If no one is there to watch, will the game still make a noise. This is a toss up. Cards

Cincinnati (+9) @ Green Bay - To much credit to Green Bay and putting to much stock in last year's Bengals. Bengals

Minnesota (-10) @ Detroit - that the money and run. Vikes

Tampa Bay (+5) @ Buffalo - Bills ready to play and win after putting up a good fight against Pats. Bills

Seattle (+1.5) @ 49ers - This should be a pick em. Toss a coin and go with it. I would give the 49ers (-3) but bookies no more than me. 49ers

Pittsburgh (-3) @ Chicago - I think the line is about right. More than three and I'd go with the Bears but at three I go with the Steelers.

Baltimore (+3) @ San Diego - A toss up. Home field gets the Chargers an automatic (-3). Ravens

Cleveland (+3) @ Denver - A miserable game to pick from. Broncos

NY Giants (+3) @ Dallas - Dallas playing in the new digs for the home opener sets up nicely for the Giants.

Indianapolis (-3) @ Miami - Dolphins and home cooking don't amount to much. Colts

NFL Week #1

NFL Week #1
Somebody actually got on me for not having this out yet. What the phuk is wrong with you?

Side note: I finally got around to watching Tropic Thunder. Other than Robert Downey playing an Australian who under went a controversial race change operation, it was a pretty crappy movie.

Moving along, Thursday night football with the Titans at the Steelers was a great game. It was a real man’s game, not that Kurt Warner pretty boy scoring bullshit. It was hard hitting defense and running with a pass to keep the defense honest. It was appropriate that it went into overtime. The only draw back was Troy Palomalu going out with an injury. I hate seeing the great ones losing playing time to injury. I had a hard time choosing who to root for given that I hate both teams.

With my cheering dilemma in mind, I came up for a few simple rules on who to pull for in a game not involving your favorite team.
1. Always pull for the team playing the Cowboys.
2. Always cheer against a divisional foe.
3. If two divisional foes are playing, go for the team lowest in the standings.
4. Only root for a divisional opponent if their win enhances your team’s playoff chances or gives your team home field advantage in playoffs.
5. If the game has no affect on your team then go with your gut and cheer for the team you hate the least. For example, I hate the Steelers. I hate Kurt Warner. The question during the Super Bowl was who do I hate more: Steelers or Warner? Considering that I wouldn’t mind seeing Warner carried out in a body bag, I cheered for the Steelers to kill Warner and outcome be damned.

The Weekly Honors

Vince Young/Joe Pisarcik Player of the Week
Michael Crabtree – unsigned rookie
Crabtree, feeling that the 49ers are under bidding him, not only is holding out but is threatening to sit out the year and reentering the draft next year. Crabtree needs to Google baseball player Matt Harrington. The Colorado Rockies drafted Harrington 7th overall. He refused to sign his original rookie contract under the advice of his agent. He reentered the draft four more times. Each time he was selected lower than the previous year. He never signed or played in the major leagues.

Box Score Line of the Week
Drew Brees – 26 completions on 34 attempts for 358 yards and SIX touchdowns with one interception.

Herm Edwards Coach of the Week
Gary Kubiak – The Texans, with playoff aspirations, came out flat on both sides of the ball. The Texans made no adjustments through out the game and let a rookie quarterback making his first start carve up the defense. 15 more games like this and Kubiak will be looking for a new job.

Week 1 Unkle Monkee vs. the Spread

NFL Week 1 Picks

It’s that time of year again. Me vs. the Spread.

The rules are simple. I’m using the odds posted on Foxsports.com which lists odds from different book makers. I went with the odds posted on Tuesday so if there are any discrepancies it's due to updated odds. Most are usually the same spread but when a difference occurs, I go with the majority. If there is no line posted, I cannot make it a selection and call it a pick ‘em. Pushes don’t count since in Vegas I wouldn’t win or lose.

I didn’t keep a running tally last year but I have it on empirical evidence that I would have lost my ass in Vegas. I will try to keep a running tally this year. I won’t pick straight up. That’s too easy and that’s the reason there are point spreads.

Over/under bets are sucker bets so I don’t pick.

Titans (+6) @ Steelers – Titans may have a chip on their shoulders after posting the best record but failing to advance in the playoffs. Steelers and the home crowd will be fired up. I imagine a defensive battle. Take the Titans and the points.

Dolphins (-4) @ Falcons – The two surprise teams of last season meet first. The Falcons defense has plenty of holes but the “Wildcat” formation became decreasingly productive. I’ll stick with the road favorite Dolphins.

Chiefs (+13) @ Ravens - Double digit spreads are usually a dangerous bet. I think this game is the exception to the rule. The Chiefs are a mess with no apparent offensive direction. Mix in the Ravens defense at home and a happy blowout occurs. Ravens.

Broncos (+4) @ Bengals – Broncos are in bad shape. The Bengals look to return to the playoff hunt with Carson Palmer back at quarterback. Bengals win handily.

Vikings (-4) @ Browns – The point spread was from 3-4.5 but two books have a 4 point spread. Drama Queen Brett Favre makes his Vikings debut. Adrian Peterson runs amok in Cleveland. Another road favorite wins. Vikings.

Jaguars (+7) @ Colts – Plenty of question marks in this game. Was 2008 just an off season for the Jags. Will the loss of Tony Dungy affect Peyton Manning? This much I know, the Colts are much better team than the Jags. Colts.

Lions (+13) @ Saints – Drew Brees in one of the best in the game and the Lions are one of the worst. The Lions though have been purged and a new regime rules the land. While they don’t win, I think an inspired Lions make it a closer than 13 point contest. Lions.

Cowboys (-6) @ Buccaneers – Uh boy, I don’t even have to try on this selection. Bucs have gone from contender to laughing stock in two seasons. Jon Gruden is gone and so is the new offensive coordinator before just days before the season. Cowboys.

Jets (+4.5) @ Texans – Two books had Jets (+5), two had Jets (+4.5) and one had no line. I went with the 4.5 spread to avoid the possibility of a push. Texans plan to unveil their new defense against the Jets rookie quarterback. The Jets will try to pound the ball and the Texans run defense is suspect. The Texans are a good home team. Texans.

Eagles (-2) @ Panthers – Panthers were a disaster in the playoffs and I expect a hangover from that loss. The Eagles though were one game away from the Super Bowl and are reloaded. Eagles.

49ers (+6.5) @ Cardinals – The Cards bulked up the running game with Beanie Wells and still boast the three headed WR monster of Anquan Bolden, Larry Fitzgerald and Steve Breaston. Cards win handily at home.

Rams (+8.5) @ Seahawks – 8.5 points is to much for an opening game. Every team is fired up at some level about the season opener. I think bookies are banking on people remembering last year’s listless Rams. Rams lose but cover the spread.

Redskins (+6.5) @ Giants – Again too many points for a home opener and two division rivals who have an intense rivalry. Redskins make a game of it and cover.

Bears (+3.5) @ Packers – Bookies are giving Green Bay a slight advantage. Usually in a close match up the home team is good for 3 points. This is going to be a good game. I’m going to take the Bears and the points.

Bills (+10.5) @ Patriots – The Bills are another team who fired the offensive coordinator days before the season opener. The Terrell Owens show is in town. Dick Juaron is on the hotseat. Tom Brady returns from his injury ready to prove he’s healthy. Pats roll the Bills on Monday Night Football.

Chargers (-9) @ Raiders – Bookies are counting on people remembering the Raiders of last year and forgetting the Chargers. The Chargers started off slow. This is an intense division rivalry. Raiders lose but cover.

Well there you have it. Remember this is for my entertainment only. If you are making picks based on me then you're one sick fuck.

Houston Cougars 55 Northwestern St. 7

Honestly it was nothing more than a glorified scrimmage. The Northwestern St. Demons were merely a sacrificial lamb to the College Football Gods.

The Demons visit was a homecoming of sorts for their head coach Bradley Peveto. Peveto served as UH defensive coordinator in another life.

The announced attendance was a little over 22,000. I find it a little disappointing considering the expectations for the Cougars this year. I'd like to see more UH alum and casual fans come out the games. This is nothing new and has been an on going problem since long before I attended UH.

On the field the offense, lead by junior QB Case Keenum, looked ready for the season. Keenum picked up from where he left off last season. He tossed the ball for 355 yards while completing 23 of 30 attempts (76.7%). He threw four touchdown passes and ran another one in. He played the first half and one series into the second half.

The defense pretty much manhandled the hapless Demons all night save for one TD drive and when the back ups started to play.

The only concern going forward is the special teams. One blocked extra point, one missed field goal and a long return late in the game show that there is room for improvement.

As for the back ups, RB Wilson seemed to have a nice night. QB Cotton Turner looked like he had first game jitters but hopefully that's all it is. Right now I'm not to confident on how he'd handle a game should Keenum go down. Heralded true freshman A.J. Dugat burned his redshirt last night and made his debut. He got a late start practicing with the Cougars due to a delay in the NCAA clearing him to play. He had a nice catch on his first play and had a few other attempts thrown his way.

Next up the Coogs travel to Stillwater, OK to take on the Oklahoma St. Cowboys. The No. 9 Cowboys beat the No. 13 Georgia Bulldogs in Stillwater 24-10. The win should move them up in the rankings. The Coogs need to bring the A+++ game to win.

Block "H" Formation

Player Intros

Opening Kick Off

David Wetzel's Questionable Source on Michael Crabtree

I'm a little late with this but....

I love a writer who never let's facts get in the way of a good story. For instance, take Yahoo.com writer Dan Wetzel. He does a column on San Francisco 49er's holdout Michael Crabtree. The headline reads 49ers’ Crabtree conducts convoluted holdout and the article leads you to believe that Crabtree himself came out and said he will reenter next years draft if he doesn't get his money.

A sampling of Wetzel's comments:

Crabtree has decided that he shouldn’t have to be paid less because – based on all the made-up, predicted drafts – Al Davis made a mistake. He wants to be paid more than Heyward-Bey, demanding his contract reflect that it was actually he who was the higher selected receiver.

We are prepared to do it,” David Wells, a cousin of Crabtree, told ESPN.

Crabtree apparently operates in a world ruled by Mel Kiper Jr.

The second quote points out the flaw logic of Wetzel on Crabtree's flawed logic. Wetzel is taking what someone else said as proof of what's going on behind closed door negotiations.

Look very carefully at the source of the quote. David Wells. A cousin of Crabtree. Not his agent, not his lawyer, not his spokesmen. His cousin.

Now go read the real story on ESPN.com. The headline is Adviser: Crabtree could re-enter draft. If you bother to read the whole article, you'd see that Crabtree's agent, not David Well, states that there is no such threat about holding out for more money or reentering the draft. In fact, the agent, Eugene Parker tells ESPN.com:

You've known me a long time and I'm not a guy who makes threats. Nor am I a guy who negotiates in the public. I don't know where this came from but no such threat has been made.

Wetzel may not be wrong on his assessment. We really don't know what's going on behind closed doors. We don't know how much or how little an amount he 49ers are offering.

Wetzel goes wrong in treating a questionable source as a primary source of information. At best, the advisor/cousin, might know what's going on but he might just be part of Crabree's posse with no real information. I'd tend to believe the quotes more if they came from Crabtree or his agent but not his cousin.

Newsflash: Tiger Woods is Human

Calm the hell down people. The sky isn't falling. The second coming of Christ hasn't happened. Ming the Merciless isn't outside our solar system fighting Flash Gordon.

Yet some people are reacting like that because, hold your breath, Tiger Woods lost a lead and a tournament.

On the local news, Houston Foxnews 26, the sportscaster made a big deal about a Tiger choke.

ESPN2's First Take lead off with Tiger losing and making drama out of it.

It all boils down to one thing. Last I checked, Tiger Woods is human. He's the greatest golfer of our lifetime (arguably the best ever) but he does lose occasionally. He even can lose a lead.

He doesn't heal the sick. He doesn't walk on water. He doesn't fly. He's human. He's bound to lose every once and a while.

The media, as usual, are just acting like drama queens.

It's called an upset. North Carolina St. over Houston. Villanova over Georgetown. NY Jets over Baltimore. NY Giants over New England. These things happen.

If I'm Woods, I'm sitting at home with my model wife and kids enjoying a beer and laughing at all the media hysterics.

Favre Stays Retired, What's Peter King to Do?

Drama Queen Brett Farve decided to stay retired. Not without the Minnesota Vikings putting every effort they could into signing Favre. In the end, Favre decided he didn't want to go through the grind of NFL life anymore. Or he remembered how awful he played down the stretch last year.

Now the Vikings are in the awkward position of going back to Plan B aka Tarvaris Jackson and Sage Rosenfails. How do you go to your current quarterbacks and tell them,"Well Favre decided to not play. We love you guys."

To top it off, the front office recruited players to call Favre and try to sell him on signing with the team. No dice. Now either Jackson or Rosenfails will have to look at players in the huddle and think that their own guys tried to sell them down the river for Farve.

Good luck to Jackson. I think he probably wins the battle for quarterback. Rosenpenis is a turnover machine. He turned the ball over as much as Texans starter Matt Schaub in half as many games while filling in.

Congrats Vikings, he's your problem now.

The NFL's Problem Children

I finally decided to weigh in on the legal woes of three NFL players and the spot commissioner Roger Goodell finds himself in.

When Goodell to the reins of the NFL, he promised more law and order. He worked with players and the players union to come up with a personal conduct code for players, coaches and basically all NFL personnel. In his term he has suspended several players including high profile problem child Adam Pacman Jones. The policy doesn't just include legal problems but an behavior that can tarnish the league's brand. So far I believe Goodell has done a good job of using his judgment.

First, I'm going to go back to a show I heard on ESPN Radio. I can't remember the show but an interesting question was raised around the time Goodell issued an indefinite suspension to WR Donte Stallworth and the postponement of Plaxico Burress's court date. Typically Goodell waits until a case has wound through the legal system before issuing his ruling.

The host asked his callers this question: Should Roger Goodell be judge, jury and executioner and punish a player more severely if the legal system doesn't seem harsh enough? He was referring to Stallworth's case. Stallworth received a relatively light sentence for DUI and manslaughter while Michael Vick received more prison time for killing dogs. Stallworth served 30 days in prison and received probation for killing a pedestrian while intoxicated. The host didn't take sides as the question was posed for discussion.

I started to think about the personal conduct policy and Goodell's duty as commissioner. I think the question boils down to one simple concept. The NFL is a private business enterprise with the goal of making money. Goodell's job is to steer the ship and to maximize the profits of the business. He has the duty to protect the image and marketability of the league. If a players actions hurt the image of the league, then Goodell has the right to punish those players. Players are the most visible employees of the league. How they behave and act off the field can impact the league as much as play on the field.

In the private sector, employees usually have to adhere to some kind of behavior policies at work. Just as a player can get suspended for getting a DUI, an employee in the private sector can be terminated, suspended or other actions. A company, and the NFL, must act to protect its best interest.

While Goodell is under no obligation to come down hard on a player, he has every right to do so in the interest of preserving the integrity of the NFL.

I wrote all that to preface what I think Goodell should do in the cases of Vick, Stallworth and Burress.

Michael Vick took a hard fall. He was on top of the football player financially, in popularity and successfully on and off the field. That was until it was discovered that he funded a dog fighting ring. Vick did federal time for his crimes. He lost all his wealth and filed bankruptcy. In all but a few quarters he is wildly unpopular.

In my opinion, I think Goodell should reinstate Vick. His crimes were horrendous. He lied initially about his activities. In no way, shape or form do I condone what Vick did. What I believe though is Vick paid a huge penalty. I also believe he should have a chance at redemption. The commissioner has stated that Vick must prove that he is sorry for his crimes. If Goodell truly believes that Vick in humble and sorry, I think there is no further reason to not allow him to play. However, Goodell also should make it very clear that any further mishaps may lead to a permanent ban from the NFL. Despite if he is reinstated, Vick must still convince a team owner, GM and coach to sign him. Just because Vick is reinstated doesn't mean he will ever play another down of football again. Teams may choose not to sign him. It's a big public relations risk to sign him. I believe whether or not to sign him should be left up to the individual team.

In the case of Donte Stallworth, Goodell should issue an definite suspension. Unfortunately, I can't judge on what length of suspension is appropriate. Like Vick, I no way condone Stallworth's actions. Stallworth killed a man while driving intoxicated. In an image driven business, perceptions are everything. Some seem to think Stallworth skated with a 30 day sentence and probation. For whatever reason, the judge, prosecutor and probably the victim's family all decided it was enough. Stallworth took responsibility for his actions. He didn't try to run from the law or blame others. He settled up financially with the family. No matter what a price
cannot be put on human life. However, Stallworth paid the family and they seemed content and that is their business on how they handled the situation.

Goodell probably will weigh Stallworth's actions and what appears to be honest behavior and responsibility along with the seriousness of the situation and, of course, the perceptions of Stallworth's legal consequences. In the end, I think Stallworth should be reinstated and allow teams to make their own decisions on to sign him or not.

Finally at the opposite end of the spectrum is Plaxico Burress. Generally Goodell awaits the legal system before making his decisions. In the case of Burress, he imposed an indefinite suspension. I think it's mostly because of Burress actions after the incident that Goodell acted. Burress has done everything but take personal responsibility for his actions. He tried to get others to cover up for him. He used a fake name at the hospital where received treatment. He has not tried to reach a plea agreement. He's putting off settling the case in hopes of playing the 2009 season. Instead of waiting for the case to come to a conclusion, Goodell is being proactive and gathering information on Burress. It is likely Goodell issues his punishment before the a judge and jury do. If being honest, contrite and responsible are traits highly valued by Goodell then Burress is probably gone for the season.

Another Reason I Hate Peter King the Hack

Sometimes, like Official Hack Little Dickie Justice, Sports Illustrated writer Peter King makes an uninformed observation along the lines of point number 7:

7. I think the Rex Grossman signing in Houston says one thing to me: The honeymoon's over for Dan Orlovsky as the walk-in, no-doubt backup to Matt Schaub.

Granted, King states it as an observation. However, as any observer of the Houston Texans will know, King is simply wrong.

Bigfatdrunk at DGDG&D breaks it down on why Orlovsky is better than the Sex Cannon

There is a further discussion over at the Battle Red Blog comparing the Sex Cannon to the late signing and early release of Quin Gray before camp last season.

So go beat that dead horse at those two blogs if you must. I won't.

The real reasons I hate King are multiple. His constant online blowjob of Brett Farve is tops. I think he even tops John Madden in publicly performing fellatio on Farve.

Also his constant bragging on who he texts with during the off season and after games smacks of elitism.

His Tuesday column reaches a new low in his "I know these people, you don't" attitude. Most writers either talk about "sources in the organization" or something along those lines. King goes out of his way to say who texts him and who he talks to on their cell phone.

The second paragraph is a classic King texting marathon. Three times he brags on his texting skills:

But Monday night, I texted McDaniels, who is a big texter.

Texted his assistant and got back that the coach is laying low

Texted Marshall, who's also a texter.

Enough King. We get it! You know players and coaches. You know their cell phone numbers. Farve is your BFF but you have more than five people in you Circle of Five. Give it a freaking rest now. Farve is supposedly retired. Go blow him on the privacy of his ranch.

As if his texting buddies wasn't enough King has to remind us he's also BFF with a New York judge:

I'm friendly with a judge in the New York area

I honestly wouldn't have a problem with a friend judge and his anonymous comments if it wasn't for the fact that King hadn't rubbed it in my face about all his texting butt buddies.

Then there is finally the obligatory lick to Farve's nut sack when King gives his brief take on Farve's HBO interview.

To get an appreciation of Peter King's magnitude of suckage, one must read the whole body of work over the course of an NFL season. A casual reading doesn't come close to revealing how bad a writer he is. Over a year one notices certain patterns: his constant bragging of texting players and coaches, his tiresome Brett Farve lovefest, his inane observations of teams he has no interest in covering and his Ten Things I Think I Think feature that goes well beyond ten.

Congratulations Peter King. You are now the latest entry in to Unkle Monkee's list of Official Hacks.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Your Stanley Cup Champions Pittsburgh Penguins

When the dust settled and the horn sounded, the Pittsburgh Penguins stood tall with Sir Lord Stanley's Cup. What a beautiful sight to behold. All Hail the Pens!

I was more nervous than a whore in church. Game seven is it. All the marbles. Winner take all.

Pens goalie Marc-Andre Fleury was unbelievable again. I can't say enough good things about him. The way he rebounded from that 5-0 thrashing in game five was incredible. When the Pens needed Flower the most, he stood tall. He stonewalled shot after shot in games six and seven. In the closing seconds of game seven, he made one last stop to avoid overtime and win the Cup for the Pens.

Maxine Talbot also came up big in game seven. He made the best of two opportunities by putting the puck past Detroit Red Wings goalie Chris Osgood. The first was on a turnover that went off Pens start Evgeni Malkin. Talbot took the rebound and found the back of the net. Latter, on a two on one play, Talbot chose to shoot versus passing the puck. He scored the two goals for the Pens. It was all the scoring they needed.

For the Pens it was the role players that stepped it up a notch. Sidney Crosby only had one goal and two assists during the Finals. In game seven, he was injured on a legal hit in the second. The Pens sucked it up and played on without him. He tried to come back on the ice but wasn't able to move around much. Instead of staying out and becoming a liability, he stayed on the bench and let his teammates finish up.

The Red Wings played strong obviously. They started the series fast by going up 2-0 but were unable to put the Pens away. For his part, goalie Osgood was fantastic. Osgood has his critics but anyone who blames him for the series loss is either blind or doesn't know hockey.

I thank both teams for an incredible back and forth series. It was exciting hockey and a great final series.

As a Pens fan, I'm on cloud nine today. Fans and media began to write the Pens off, as did I, when they were tenth in the play off race. They fired the head coach and made a charge all the way up to the fourth seed. It was a roller coaster season that ended on the ultimate high for Pens fans.

Thank you Pittsburgh Penguins for an outstanding season.

See you all next season.

Go Pens!

More Stanley Cup Finals Goodness

Honestly, is the NBA Finals really going on? If that snorefest of passing, dribbling, isolation, pass in then out for the three still going on?

Even my beloved Spurs can be heard to watch sometimes. That's bad coming from a diehard.

On the ice, the excitement and action have been much more entertaining that nba.

Not just because I'm a Pittsburgh Penguins fan doesn't skew my view of the leagues. Hockey is all out war for three 20 minute periods. Hits, checking, face offs, power plays, on the fly changes and non stop action. The opposite of the NBA.

The Real Finals
I don't know what the TV numbers are but I'm sure the NBA finals ratings were higher than Sir Lord Stanley's Cup Finals. I do know they were a better entertainment attraction.

Game seven will decide who takes home Sir Lord Stanley's Cup on Friday. Will the Detroit Red Wings keep the Cup one more year or will the upstart but strong Penguins return the favor and hoist the Cup at Joe Louis Arena.

It's been a hell of a Finals. As a Pens fan, it has sent me through the ringer. Games one and two were fun to watch but the results were painful.

I felt down about the next game considering it was a must win for the Pens to avoid going down 3-0. They stormed back to win three and four and leveling the series at two.

What happened next was a reality check. Pens goalie Marc-Andre Fleury gave up five goals in about half a game and was pulled. The score stood as a 5-0 final. Any momentum the Pens had built up slammed against a brick wall.

To say The Flower rebounded in game six is a vast understatement. While the Pens hacked away at Chris Osgood and were stone walled, Fleury held his own when he had to. The game finished 2-1 in favor of Pittsburgh.

Fleury was the hero and Rob Scuderi the savior. Scuderi stopped the puck at least three times on a furious finish in front of the Penguins net. Otherwise overtime and only the Hockey Gods know what would have ensued.

Game seven is Friday night....bring it on and Let's Go Pens!

Moral Victories
After the second period, my friend sent me a text saying the Red Wings have a moral victory in that they were only down 1-0 after being out shot so much. I replied that if anything Pittsburgh has a moral victory after being pound federal prison style 5-0 in game five.

Plus I told him that moral victories are for losers and vaginas who grasp a straws when they can't win. The only thing that matters is the scoreboard.

NHL Conference Finals vs. NBAConference something or other

The NHL conference are underway. I missed the first game of the Chicago Blackhawks vs. Detroit Red Wings series. I caught game two tonight and last night's opener between my Pittsburgh Penguins and the Carolina Hurricanes.

I find hockey so much more exciting than the NBA playoffs. People who bitch and moan about low scoring have never actually watched a game or taken time to understand it. I got into a discussion at work about NBA vs. NHL. Everybody either groaned or walked away when I brought up how exciting the NHL conference finals were much more exciting than the dullards know as the NBA.

I'll take any NHL game, except for a Spurs game, over the NBA any day. During the regular season I had both NHL Center Ice and NBA League Pass. If the Pens and Spurs played on the same night, I watched the Pens until the game was over and then switched over to the Spurs game.

I can sit and watch any NHL game. I can't stand an NBA game if the Spurs aren't involved.

The other night me and some friends went to Hooters. It was game seven between the Hurricanes and Bruins along with game six for the Rockets and Lakers. I live in Houston. I left after I ate to watch the hockey game.

Those, like my coworkers, that sneer the second hockey is mentioned are just narrow minded. I think if they took the time to learn the game they would appreciate it. Instead the look at the score and scoff at watching a 3-2 game.

Ah well, their loss. I'll enjoy the Pens run and the Stanley Cup Finals even if they don't make it.

Pens Win! Pens Win! Pens Win! Poor Caps!

What a series the Pittsburgh Penguins and Washington Capitals played! As a Pens fan, it put me through the ringer of emotions.

First despair. The Penguins behind 2-0 in the series.

Then relief The Penguins tied the series up at 2.

Then elation. The Penguins took the series lead 3-2 in a thrilling overtime win.

The a sinking feeling. The Pens couldn't close out the Caps on home ice.

Then anticipation. Game seven on the road against the Caps who took back the series momentum in game six.

Then joy. Up 2 goals, 4 goals and then more. The blowout was on. The Pens clinched the series and now await the winner of game seven between the Boston Bruins and the Carolina Hurricanes.

For now, I'll enjoy the moment. Next series the emotional roller coaster starts again.

The Religion of Football - A Primer

The Religion of Football
A Primer

Saturday April 19th was the opening two rounds of the NFL Draft. I’ve always treated football, especially the NFL, as my religion. It’s actually quiet convenient. Instead of every Sunday for church, we meet at a huge Cathedral (there are only 32) and worship only ten times a year. The first two don’t count. The other eight are like Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter rolled into one Sunday. Worshippers come from all walks of life to celebrate and cheer the gladiators on the field.

Reliant Cathedral

Like many religions, there are various factions, sects and experts on the subjects. Even within the 32 churches there are factions. But one thing rules above all else: support (or lack of) for one of the 32 teams.

Like the Roman Catholic-Protestant split or the Sunni Islam-Shia Islam split, so is the Religion of Football split. Unlike those other religious splits, the football splits are less violent and worshippers may partake of multiple rites in the various denominations. Fans (as worshippers are commonly referred to) my even have loyalties beyond one team. Though worshipping more than one team is frowned upon in some areas, the practice is not uncommon.

The various levels of football are the professional, college, high school down to Pee-Wee for little kids. Professionals are the highest level of play. But even in the various levels there is a hierarchy. Only one team is crowned champion on Super Bowl Sunday. College is split among regional conferences and BCS and non-BCS schools. Even high schools are arranged by division due to the disparities in student populations.

Depending on location, winning programs and competition from other football teams, support for teams varies. In some states, college football rules supreme due to a major college or two and no professional teams in the team. Alabama, Nebraska and Oklahoma are three states that are dominated by the college game. Some states, like Texas, Florida and California, have dominant programs on both levels and loyalties of the fans crosses over levels. It’s not uncommon for a Houston Texans fan also be a worshipper of the Texas Longhorns.

Rivalries play an important part of football too. Watching a rival lose brings as much joy as watching one’s team win. Beating a rival or dominating a rivalry is the second best outcome of a season to winning a championship. Sometimes fans enjoy the success of a rival only so they can take greater joy in watching that team fall short of winning a title.

The Holy Holidays
Like all religions, football to has its holy holidays. The rank of the holy days is usually a personal preference but specific days are recognized as very important no matter the ranking.

The holiest holiday in the NFL varies from follower to follower. Some view Opening Day as the holiest day. It can vary from team to team due to the schedule: Opening Thursday, Opening Sunday and Opening Monday Night Football. In general, two games are celebrated on Opening Thursday and one on Opening Monday Night Football with the remainder on Opening Sunday. Others view the First Home Game as the holiest day as it gives the home fans their first look at the team since the previous season. Obviously for some teams, Opening Day and First Home Game Day coincide.

Others will counter that Super Bowl Sunday is the holiest day of the NFL. They claim since it is the coronation of a Champion to the season it must be the holiest day. Others counter that it is the holiest day only for the two teams competing in the game. Regardless all fans agree that it is a must see event. If nothing else most watch to witness the crowning of the Champion and put a target on the team to knock off for next season.

Many consider Draft Day One to be the second holiest holiday. For many fans it gives hope that new players will help elevate their team to the Playoffs and possibly the Super Bowl.

Like Passover for Jews, Ramadan for Muslims or Holy Week for Christians, the NFL too celebrates its religion over an extended time. The Playoffs is an extended celebration of NFL in which only the Division Champions and Wild Card teams compete for the right to play in the Super Bowl.

To be continued.